Post Thanksgiving Ruminations…

Check the huge red glasses and the white shoes...such a geek...My grandma, who is now deceased, and my aunt in the background...

Hello World,

I know that according to Wal-Mart and other chain super retailers, we are now officially in the Christmas season…but for me, the Christian season doesn’t actually begin until Dec. 1.

So what’s to do in those days that follow Thanksgiving leading up til the big day? Well, I decided to clean my refrigerator…I’m ashamed to say I found various sauces, condiments, salt fish, chicken etc. that probably have been there since 2008…As I type, I know my ability-to-be-a-wife quotient is probably lessening with each word…And let me add for emphasis, the reason that I finally decided to clean out my fridge is that I started to smell the fumes of something that even the nearly air tight doors could no longer keep in…(If my mom, who is super neat, read this post, she would not be happy…oh well)

So back to my gross fridge, as I was emptying the contents of my fridge into several trash bags, I decided to watch a movie…I happened upon the movie “Little Miss Sunshine.” I’ve seen it before, but it’s worth watching again…Of all of the funny yet poignant things that happened in the movie, this quote stands out…indulge me and read it…I swear I’m going somewhere…

Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it.
Frank: Do you know who Marcel Proust is?
Dwayne: He’s the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he’s also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh… he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you’re 18… Ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that.

This is a conversation between the angst-ridden high schooler who discovers he’s color blind thereby obliterating his dream to go to flight school and his gay uncle who survived a suicide attempt. By the way, Steve Carrell plays the uncle…he is perhaps the funniest white guy ever…next to Jim Carrey…

So my question for this post is: What has suffering taught you? What are some things that pain taught you that may have not learned otherwise?  I know, I know, somewhat of a morose post after eating yummy food, reconnecting with the fam and thanking God from whom all blessings flow and what not…

Since high school suffering was mentioned in the movie, I gotta say most of the people that were hella popular in high school probably should have suffered just a little bit…it would have given them something to aim for…as it stands now, a majority of the people that seemed to be on top then don’t seem to be too interesting now…and some of them look practically ancient…guess if you start clubbin’, boozin’ and wilin’ out at 15, you’re bound to look old in your mid ’30s. 

High school Jackie went through some suffering…She couldn’t go to parties…She wore big red classes that covered more than half of her face…She could date when she was 16, but wasn’t asked out until she was 17…She was not asked to be in any of the cliques…She frequently spent time an inch away from the mirror analyzing her eyebrows…She was accused of smelling like fish because she had a penchant for eating salmon croquettes before football games…and on and on…

(Yes, I was referring to myself in the third person…) Truthfully, I was in the low B maybe High C crowd…definitely not an A lister. Well, what did it all teach me? Well for one, I wasn’t drinkin’ and clubbin’.  I’m sure that my youthful glow is due, in part, to my delayed entry into the club scene…Also, I was forced to develop friendships with people based on personality rather than popularity…And as result, some of those people are still my friends today…And it made me yearn for something better…i.e. college…I was convinced I was going to be The Truth just beyond the “insipidia” (made up word) commonly referred to as high school… Sidebar: I must say though many of the rappers that hail from the A or their wives graced the halls of Benjamin E. Banneker High School, and many of them were kinda popular even back then…oh well…but I do believe they are the exception rather than the rule…

Since I decided to become a Christian, I have suffered through trials due to my stance on certain issues…It has not been pretty. As people say, Jesus won’t bear the cross by Himself. If you believe in Him, at some point, you have to suffer…no I have not been persecuted like what is described in the Bible, but I have been ridiculed by people for my beliefs…I wrote an article on “The Prayer of Jabez” frenzy…remember that…So I met the author of the book, Bruce Wilkinson, at a rally, and I wrote about him and the rally…So my editor had to read the article before it was published…Below is a snippet of the conversation that took place during the editing process…

Ogre boss reclines in her easy chair. Her office door is ajar so she can conveniently bark orders at random to cringing staff in the newsroom.

Ogre boss: Hey Jackie!

Jackie: (Holding her arms around herself to somehow visibly shield herself from the verbal assault sure to ignite…) Yes…

Ogre boss: When you pray “The Prayer of Jabez,” do you pray for a new boss?

She cackles and snorts similar to the Wicked Witch of the West in “The Wizard of Oz.”

I say nothing…what was there to say…I know what I felt like saying…I won’t say because some of y’all think it’s not appropriate for Christians to curse…(Good thing, you’re not with me 24/7.)

A year and a half later, she fired me…Good riddance I say….And I moved on to a better situation in every way…suffering taught me that God can protect me – even from people who don’t like me because I’m a Christian, cuter, younger and even more talented – bitter, you say?…naw…really though, it’s all good…

And the truth is, the best writers have suffered through some thing…. How else can you write something that moves people? I could go on, but eh, I don’t feel like it…

So what has suffering taught you? Marinate on that…AND post comments on that..please…

I will add this…my absolute fave verse in the Bible…

All things (GOOD & BAD things that happen) work together for GOOD for THOSE who love Him and are called according to HIS purpose. Romans 8:28

God can bring good out of suffering…

P.S. I’m sure that Nelson Mandela suffered terribly while he was in jail for 27 years, but I’m sure that the same internal fortitude he developed in jail as a result led him to being the first elected president of South Africa…Yes, I plan to see the new movie “Invictus.”

 

Random Ramblings part deaux

Hello World!!!

I don’t have much to say today, but I did want to highlight a few random thoughts that have been roaming in my head…

1. Congratulations to President Obama for championing health care reform legislation that has been passed in the House and is now an issue for the Senate…I have made health care a matter of nearly daily prayer as I think that every U.S. citizen should have access to affordable health care…And I still thank God that within my lifetime, I have literally seen a black president of this great country with my own eyes… (Shout to my inauguration travel crew!!! I can’t believe we did that nearly a year ago…) To God be the glory, great things He has done…

2. Perseverance is …. taking the written exam for a driver’s license 950 times!!! A woman in South Korea has been taking the written exam nearly daily since April 2005 to get her license…She spent more than $4200 in application fees to take the test…Apparently, she needs the license for her vegetable-selling business…Her next goal is to actually pass the driving test…God bless her and her perseverance!!!

3. Why do I find myself a bit skeptical about Rihanna having a “tell-all” interview with Diane Sawyer about the now infamous incident with Chris Brown? Maybe it’s the fact that she is releasing an album soon that has me thinking this is part of some sort of “marketing and promotion” plan or maybe it’s her new rooster- like hairstyle that has me agitated…Ahh, I know that’s not nice, but….

4. What do you think of Ms. O’s decision to remove Bebe Winans from the lineup on her upcoming “karaoke challenge” show? Apparently, she removed him from the show after bloggers and Bebe’s ex-wife spoke out on what appeared to be a double standard by Oprah. She took a strong stance against domestic violence when the Rihanna Chris Brown incident erupted, but Bebe has also been accused of domestic violence…He will appear in court regarding this allegation on Jan. 20.

5. Have you read “Act Like Lady, Think Like A Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy and Commitment” by Steve Harvey yet? I think I mentioned this book in a previous post, but several of my friends have told me this book has managed to cross their path without even searching for the book… (Even one of my white girlfriends has talked about the book.) One of the ladies at my church put a copy of the book right in my hands…I liked the book, but many bloggers have criticized Harvey because they don’t think a man who has been married and divorced several times should have much to say about romantic relationships….At any rate, he has been able to parlay the book’s success into a regular spot on “Good Morning America.” Also, Steve and his wife Majorie are featured on the December issue of ESSENCE magazine…I intend to buy a copy…

6. And what’s up with the black serial killer in Cleveland? For all of the challenges that we have faced in this country from slavery to driving while black, black people haven’t been the ones to commit mass murders…First the D.C. sniper and now this…things are changing and it’s not looking good…

7. And finally, am I the only one who is feeling a little sad about losing that extra hour of daylight at the end of the day…Seasonal affective disorder is real…

Any thoughts?

Who created Cain’s wife and other questions the Bible does not answer…

kinda funny depiction of Adam & Eve...

Hello World!!!

As I said in a previous post, my Bible study class is reading the book of Genesis and apparently, we will go through the entire Bible over the course of several months…

Since I grew up in church, I have read passages in probably most of the books of the Bible over the course of my lifetime, but I’ve never gone through the Bible from start to finish. I’m sure that I will learn volumes although my parents made sure that I had a solid Biblical education along with my academic education.  But I must admit, there are some lingering questions that I’ve had over the years that never seemed to be answered to my satisfaction.

And now that my class is going through the entire Bible, I’m sure those questions will resurface. One of those questions resurfaced during a telephone conversation I had over the weekend. And I had to admit, I didn’t have the answer. It is clearly stated in Genesis that Adam and Eve were created by God. The couple had two sons, Cain and Abel. It is also mentioned that Cain had a wife….well, who created that wife if only Adam and Eve were created by God? Hmmm…something to think about, huh?

Also during the telephone conversation, I was asked why Jesus Christ was called Jesus Christ when the letter J was not existent at the time Jesus Christ lived on earth….I asked my Bible study leader the answer to that question last night, and he said, I think,  that Jesus’ name was originally Yeshua and was translated to Jesus by the Greeks…I plan to ask him to explain that answer in more detail when I go to Bible Study tonight, God willing…

The ages of people in the Old Testament has also puzzled me. In Genesis 5, it is stated that Methuselah, a descendent of Adam, lived to be 969 years old. Shoot, Adam lived to be 930 years old. I didn’t attend Bible College so I pose this question to Bible scholars – Were years determined differently than they are today? If not, it is very hard to believe people lived for hundreds of years when in modern time, humans are blessed to live for even 80 years….

I’m sure more questions will be raised as I continue to study the text and discuss it with the people in my life. But the truth of the matter is that belief in the Bible itself, no matter what the passage, is an exercise in faith…I mean if some random man came up to me on the street today and said, he is the saviour of the world, I would gingerly back away from him and hope he did not chase me down the street. And if one of my girls told me she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit although she was a virgin, I would talk about her behind her back to my other girls. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen… I know what that sick boy’s father meant when he said to Jesus, “Lord I do believe. Help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24) And Jesus healed his son right then. And this Bible verse below also applies to the situation.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6

Because God is God and we are finite creatures, I imagine there will be questions that will not be answered while we are here on Earth, but I do believe that God will answer those who earnestly seek answers. Aside from all of that, I believe in Jesus Christ, Yeshua, Jehovah, the Prince of Peace, the only Begotten Son, Messiah, the Great Shepherd, the Amen, the Ancient of Days, the Alpha and the Omega and on and on because I’m seen Him at work in my life and in the lives of those around me…

How can I explain the answers to countless prayers…I cannot except I have in faith in God…And how is it anyway that I can get down on my knees and say words out loud in the air or inside of my head and God hears and answers…And how is that sometimes as I sit in church I can feel this joy that wells up inside of me so much that it spills out of my eyes in the form of tears…I cannot except I have in faith in God…and how is it that I’ve known people healed of all sorts of addictions and disorders that threatened to kill them…I cannot except I have faith in God…

I cannot explain the Holy Wars or why people in the name of Jesus have managed to commit crimes against humanity. I cannot explain why some church folk are more judgmental and nasty than the average person walking down the street on any given day. I cannot explain why people have used the Bible to enslave others. I cannot explain why a pastor would flashy a phony badge intending to impersonate an officer when he was stopped for speeding. Ridiculous! Human beings are fallible , Jesus Christ isn’t…

Any thoughts?

My Glass is Half Full…

Hello World!!!

As of today, at least according to me, we are officially in the Thanksgiving season…and no matter what displays are already out in department stores, we are not in the Christmas season yet…

This year, I would like to focus on gratitude for the whole month of November rather than just on Thanksgiving Day…So what was the catalyst for this decision…Last week my manfriend aka my boyfriend D (do you really have a boyfriend if he is a fully grown man? I don’t know…) challenged me about my penchant to focus on negativity in some areas and predict negative outcomes…

I don’t think I’m an overall negative person but sometimes I do fall into the habit of focusing on what I don’t have rather than what I do have. He pointed out that everything in his life is not how he wants it to be either, but that he would rather focus on what he has. He said he always sees his glass as half full rather than half empty…

So the next day as I performed my work, I made an effort to see my glass as half full no matter what happened and be thankful for life just as it is.  And God pointed out to me in numerous ways that I have a lot to be thankful for even if He chooses to never bless me with anything else…As a part of my job, I have to park in several parking spaces all over town. As you would expect, I always try to find the spaces closest to my destination and luckily for me, that usually happens.

But the day after I decided to see my glass as half full, I ended up getting a parking space at a location a little farther away from where I am usually able to park – it was if as God was saying, “Ima see if she is going to be thankful if she has to go out of her way to get to her destination…” (Now some of y’all are probably saying, “You can’t pray to God to get a good parking space” or “God isn’t concerned about something as insignificant as a parking space.” Well,  in Bible study, we are studying the creation story in Genesis, and it is clear to me that God is so magnificent and magnanimous that He is concerned with everything that concerns His beloved creation – even parking spaces.) So as I was walking to my destination, I noticed a man getting out of his jeep, which was parked in one of the spaces that I had my eye on….It probably took at least 15 minutes for the man to get out his jeep as he walked with two canes…Obviously, he needed the space more than I did. As I watched him painstakingly make his way to his destination, I had to be thankful I could jump out my car, slam the door and be on my way in less than a minute. My glass is half full…

On any given day, I would like to be a few pounds thinner – seriously…but I was reminded last week how I used to be obsessed with my weight and control my food intake like it was a life and death situation…I mean I used to weigh myself several times a day and say all kinds of negative things to myself if I wasn’t at my desired weight. I.WAS. CRAZY…for real…Yeah, I still have my moments when I obsess about my weight for sure, but trust me it’s a long way off from how I used to be…My glass is half full…

If you have read my blog posts over the past year, you know that I would like to be a published book author…I feel like I’m destined to be a published book author and still it hasn’t happened…(Yes, I know about self-publishing…) But thanks be to God that I do get paid to write already…And I received a freelance writing check in the mail yesterday as I was working on my monthly budget (Shout out to Sonia!). Ain’t God good…My glass is half full…

I could rattle off more, but I want to hear from you…How is your glass half full?

And if you know me and you hear me saying a negative statement, you have permission to tell me to stop right then and thank God for my glass being half full…

Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this. I Thessalonians 5:18

Any thoughts?

P.S. I have also decided to bless rather than curse situations by speaking positively as “the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

I love this song about being thankful…I feel you girl…I hope to be singing this song one day…

I Heart My DST…

19 D.R.S.

Hello World!!!

What is a DELTA?

A DELTA is

What an Aka ain’t.

What a Zeta wants to be.

What a Sigma can’t.

What an Alpha likes.

What a Kappa loves.

What a Que Psi Phi can’t get enough of!

OO-OOP, OO-OOP, OO-OOP, OO-OOP, OO-OOP….

As you can probably tell, this post is dedicated to Deltas all over the world, and we are…But specifically, I want to congratulate the Zeta Psi Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Incorporated, the beloved chapter where I was made. This weekend we celebrated our 40th year of existence at the University of Georgia. 

Zeta Psi working on a Habitat for Humanity home.

I remember when I first decided that I wanted to be a Delta. I was a college sophomore. An older cousin who I admired had pledged DST at another school, and she talked about her sorority with such love that I started to consider whether pledging DST was for me. Then I had a summer internship at a local newspaper where my boss was a Delta. She was smart, career-oriented and kind. In fact,  I got so close to her that I mentioned that I was possibly interested in pledging the sorority the following school year. At the end of the summer, she gave me a beautiful key chain with a crystal-like elephant (elephants are one of our symbols.) attached to it. As she handed the key chain to me, she whispered, “I know I shouldn’t be giving this to you since you’re not a Delta, but I know you will be one day.” Shortly after, I read the book, “In Search of Sisterhood: Delta Sigma Theta and the Challenge of the Black Sorority Movement,”  by Soror Paula J. Giddings, and I made the decision that I had to be a part of this grand sorority.

But then came the hard part. I had to convince the Deltas at the University of Georgia that I was worthy of being a part of this chapter of accomplished women who were known for their no-nonsense attitude and their overall “flyness.” It was not easy, and I certainly cannot go into the details of pledging on a public blog. But on April 9, 1995, I became a Delta. I was the second woman on a line of 19 women who pledged that year. Publicly, we are known as 19 D.R.S. (Devastating Reflections of Sisterhood). And yes, there is a private meaning that obviously I cannot share. We shared so many experiences on that beloved campus and others- late night step practices, volunteering at community organizations, planning our annual scholarship pageant, gripe sessions, hanging with the bruhs, dating the bruhs and members of other frats, winning thousands of dollars at step show competitions and on and on…

Zeta Psi are some steppers...

Since then, our lives have grown and changed. Some of us have gotten married. Some of us have gotten divorced. Some of us have become mothers. Some of us have become doctors. Some of us have become educators.  Some of us have moved cross country. Some of us have stayed put. Some of us have acquired property. Some of us have cut our hair. Some of us have grown locks. Some of us have grown apart. Some of us have gotten closer. And we’ve even lost one to breast cancer…And I expect more changes as time passes and we continue to grow…

Being in a sorority isn’t everything…like in all close relationships, there are misunderstandings and misdeeds…but there is something about being a part of a sisterhood that lasted and grown for decades - since January 13, 1913 to be exact - a sisterhood that was built at a critical time in this country’s history when black people – particularly women were marginalized. And through the support of this sisterhood, many of us have been able to accomplish feats that we were unlikely to accomplish alone.

And without even planning it, many of my best friends outside of my collegiate chapter happen to be Deltas! All I can say is like attracts like.

Zeta Psi, I salute you for 40 years of sisterhood, scholarship and service! Continue to encourage your members to achieve their highest potential and be a home away home on that colossal campus!

I Heart MY DST!

Any thoughts?

Zeta Psi is on YouTube!!!

 

 

 

To Be Young and Dumb…

very cute if i say so myself...and i do:)

Hello World!!!

Happy Wednesday! I struggled whether to write about this topic, but since it has been the talk of town in the A since last week I decided to throw my two cents in the bucket as well…

So most black people across the nation have heard of the illustrious black institutions of the Atlanta University Center  (AUC) that have produced some of the nation’s greatest black leaders. It is pretty much one of the crown jewels of this city. Such notables including Dr. Martin Luther King and Maynard Jackson, Atlanta’s first black mayor, attended Morehouse College. Marian Wright Edelman, founder of the Children’s Defense Fund, and Alice Walker, author of “The Color Purple,” attended Spelman College. James Weldon Johnson, author of the Negro national anthem “Lift Every Voice and Sing” and Marva Collins, famed educator, attended Atlanta University and Clark College, respectively,  now known as Clark Atlanta University. And this is just a cursory list for brevity’s sake.

But since last week one of the AUC’s schools, Morehouse College, has not been in the news for its positive contributions to the nation’s brain trust. Rather it has been the news for its new dress code.  According to an article in the “The Atlanta Journal-Constitution” below are the parameters of the new dress code.

The policy details 11 expectations of students, including:

* no caps, do-rags and/or hoods in classrooms, the cafeteria, or other indoor venues

* no sun glasses worn in class or at formal programs

* no jeans at major programs, as well as no sagging pants on campus

* no clothing with derogatory or lewd messages either in words or pictures

* no wearing of clothing usually worn by women (dresses, tops, tunics, purses, pumps, etc.) on the Morehouse campus or at college-sponsored events.

Students that violate the new rules risk academic suspension.

Let me address the issues that have folk up in arms: sagging pants and cross dressing. Here in the A, lawmakers have been grappling with the saggy pants issues for the past couple of years or so. They believe this fashion statement is disrespectful and even promotes a certain thug or criminal mentality.  So this issue is nothing new.

And the other issue is cross dressing….and just for the record I am not looking for this post to be a discussion on gay rights. But apparently, many of the Morehouse College students are dressing in clothing typically associated with women’s attire to class and other campus-associated events.

So since this is my blog, I guess I need to go ahead and state my opinion. I don’t like sagging pants. I have been known to walk up to teenage boys on the street and pull up their pants without their permission. I imagine I have gotten away with this because I’m cute, haha. On one occasion, I asked this dude was his little behind cold as I could practically see it as his pants sagged way under his butt cheeks. And it was cold outside…I know he was cold and there was no way he could deny it. In fact, his boy who was was him had to smile when I told him so. In church on Sunday, one of the speakers offered to buy some belts for Christmas for some of the boys in the congregation who may not have the financial means to buy belts. It was a joke but he wasn’t joking…

Now on to the cross dressing…One of my mottos is “do you.” And I imagine that is what many of these students are thinking when they wear women’s attire on campus. All that aside, is that attire really appropriate in class?  When I was in college, it was hard enough to focus on the instructor and the coursework without any distractions. You cannot tell me that wearing women’s attire to class as a young man is not distracting to the other students. Now, I heard that some of the students believe they should be allowed to wear whatever they want as they are paying for their education. I understand that train of thought up until a certain point. I often missed days in a row of class (sorry mom and dad!) in college using that same principle. I thought since I’m paying for class I can show up when I want to…But at the same time, it would have been arrogant and maybe even delusional for me to assume the professor would give me the same attention as was given to the other students as I clearly did not respect the teacher’s time enough to show up for class.

Aside from those opinions, I also understand what it means to be “young and dumb.” When you are young and dumb, you rarely think of consequences, ramifications and implications…And to some degree, you shouldn’t…The Bible explains this principle perfectly…

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. I Corinthians 13:11

In my 36 years, I have made many a fashion statement being the proudly creative person that I am. I used the above picture because it was one of my fashion statements I guess…More than 10 years ago, I went to this club and saw this dude who looked like a pimp in his white Fedora-style hat and his wide-collared shirt. He was the business as the young folk say now…(I can’t believe I’m saying this ,but hey I am 36.) I thought to myself, “Why don’t I act like I’m one of his hoes?” So I asked this guy, who I didn’t know, if I could stage this pic with him where he was telling me to get his money. Remember that song “$itch Betta Have My Money?” That was the look I was going for…All of my girls who were with me thought I was hilarious and gutsy…It was a very cute picture…Aww, to be young and dumb…

And for the record, if I were 10 or so years younger, I would be rocking a red mohawk…I’m just sayin’. But that time has come and gone…

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…Ecclesiastes 3:1

Any thoughts?

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…Let’s Talk About You and Me…

True or false?

Hello World!!!

After a blog writing hiatus (I needed it), I am back baby! So to get this party started right, I thought I would write about a subject sure to get a few comments…That’s right, I’m talking about sex…I’ve been hesitant to discuss this topic because of its very personal nature, and trust I won’t be revealing much about myself here…but inevitably, I knew I had to bring it up…so here goes…

If you’ve attended church for at least a month, you are pleasantly surprised to know that you can contact the God who rules this universe by simply praying. It’s a definite perk of being a Christian. And if you’ve been introduced to a few scriptures particularly those in Psalm, you know that God promises to take care of those who take the time to honor Him and seek His guidance – undeniably a benefit of being a Christian. And if you are at the right church, you discover that you can meet some really good people who can be “God with skin on” when you really need to hear from God through human voices…There are countless benefits to being a Christian!

But there a few edicts that come with being a Christian that frankly aren’t that appealing…one of those is premarital sex…Apparently, if you are married, you have a license to “get ur freak on,” but if you are single, you must “flee fornication. ” (I Corinthians 6:18 if you are interested…) I started hearing about all of the many verses in the Bible that discourage premarital sex when I was a teenager…At that point, it’s all good…You are still a little scared of boys anyway…Well, let me speak for me…As a teenager, I was not ready for sex…I knew I had all sorts of strange feelings when I looked at boys I considered fine, but the idea of having sex with them was certainly farther than I wanted to go…

Where these Biblical principles get tricky is when you are fully grown and you know what to do about it…Y’all know what I mean, right? It just ain’t cute anymore when you hit 30 years old, but it clearly states in God’s word, if you love Him, you will keep his commandments…(John 14:15)…So what are single Christian women and men of a certain age supposed to do when we are no longer “never scared” when it comes to sex…Being the bibliophile that I am, you know I’ve read numerous books about the topic…the most recent book I’ve read is “Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity” by Lauren F. Winner. She makes a lot of good points about why it’s wise to wait…

I may bring up some points from her book as I write this post, but let me bring up a few reasons I think that premarital sex may not be the way to go with or without the Bible verses…By most studies, women and men are getting married later in life as time progresses…Chances are most people have dated quite a few people by the time they finally do get married…so the potential to have had several sexual partners in a lifetime is quite possible…I just have to think that eventually could be draining mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually over time…Maybe for men that would not be as much of  a factor, but from the women I know, every time you get involved with a man fully and it’s not your husband, a little piece of you dies…And it’s hard to be optimistic about dating over the long haul when you invest so much only to get back so little… ( I don’t care what the women in Sex and the City say…)

And while I believe in women’s liberation and all, we know that there are double standards in what is appropriate sexual behavior when it comes to women and men that cannot be denied…when you have sex with a man who is not emotionally invested in you, no matter what comes out of his mouth, he is not feelin’ you the same way you could be feelin’ him…A man recently told me that if he has sex with a woman he is not into, her whole house can go up in flames with her in it the moment he is done having sex with her, and he frankly wouldn’t care…That’s straight harsh, but it’s something to think about…And we all know that it takes a while for a man to get emotionally attached to a woman – typically much much longer than it takes a woman…And because men are hunters, we gotta respect the natural order of things…men respect what they have to wait for…if you just give him  ”hot sex on a platter” if takes away from the hunt…

Since I’m a black woman, I have to speak from that perspective…I think much of our issues in the black community can be traced back to our loosening values when it comes to premarital sex…In a conversation I had last night with a fine man (yes, I’m talking about you ), I told him that if all single black women in the A decided to stop having sex unless they are married, there would be some real and quantifiable results. Let’s say that today, Sunday, October 18, 2009, women declared on the steps of the Fulton County Courthouse that there would be no sex without a ring…A year from today, I guarantee the marriage rate – whatever it is – would double…Women may be able to go without sex for a long, long while, but most men cannot go without sex for the same length of time…And the people who got married would be more likely to have long-lasting marriages as women and men would make choices that wouldn’t be as dependant on sexual attraction…As it stands now, when you tell a man that you are a celibate, he may stick around if really wants to be there, but he has many, many options if he suddenly decides he can’t take it anymore…

There would be no children born outside of wedlock…Yes, it’s possible to raise a healthy child as a single parent…I’ve seen it many times, but I think most single parents would rather raise their children as a two-parent household…Goodness gracious, I cannot even fathom all the changes that could come as a result of children being raised by two parents rather than one…We’ve all heard of some of the issues that children deal with when they are missing their mothers or fathers…More men would know how to be or even want to be real men because they would have seen it growing up…More women would make better choices about men because they were raised with their fathers…Poverty would decline as many single parents are poor…The jails would be less full because people would be more likely to learn responsible behavior because both parents were in their lives and were able to devote full attention to them…I know I’m skipping over a few things, but just consider what the ramifications could possibly be…

Who knows where sexually transmitted diseases come from, but I guarantee there would be less of them if people refused to engage in premarital sex…I don’t know all of the stats, but I think I’ve heard there are hundreds of STDs although only a few of them are well known – obviously HIV, HPV, herpes, etc.

I could go on, and this is by no means an organized discourse on the topic of premarital sex….these are just some random thoughts…The older I get, the more demystifying the term “sin” is to me…I simply think that sin is something that harms our relationship with God, our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with others…I think God declared that premarital sex is a sin because He knows how far reaching the effects are…

Any thoughts?

P.S. Yes, I know that one of the effects of this edict would be that the premium would go up on prostitutes…that’s another topic for another day…

P.P.S. And maybe the music about sex would get better too…Although everyone seems to be having sex nowadays – married or not – no one can really sing about sex like the old school singers…I remember the first time I saw the video for Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing.” I think I was six years old…I didn’t know what sexual healing was, but I was sure it was good…

Rainy Night in Georgia…aka Where is God When It Rains?

Hello World!!!

I must confess…As a single person, it is easy to get self-centered…after all, you pay bills for one, you eat with one, you wake up with one…so it only makes sense you wouldn’t be very much concerned with anyone – except me, myself & I…

But last week, as it rained, rained, rained and rained some more here in A, even I was forced to take a look around and survey the damage…People were getting into rowboats from their windows to escape rising water in their homes, folks were stranded in their cars  as they floated in the flood, people lost their businesses to the unforgiving currents and some even lost their lives…We may not have experienced floods comparing to Hurricane Katrina, but many were devastated nonetheless…

If you are anything like me, you are wondering why God allows these type of events to happen from time to time…there may be a clue in His word obviously…

He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:45

So according to that verse, good and bad happen to the good and bad…somehow, that doesn’t seem quite right, does it?…it seems to me like if you are a Christian, you should have a sort of a heavenly insurance policy when bad things are happening all around you…it would seem that if you are trying to stay in His will, then He should be willing to spare you and yours when natural disasters or even unnatural disasters happen…But I am mature enough in this Christian walk to know that, yes, sometimes due to your status as a Christian, God will protect in you in ways that other people who aren’t Christian do not know about…but I also know that God often allows circumstances to happen to Christians to increase their faith in him and his sovereignty…

Yes, God is the ultimate Father…every Christian believes that…and so if we believe that, do we also believe that like earthy fathers, our Heavenly Father must punish us from time to time…Some people don’t think so, but as much as I am a “God is Love” Christian, I cannot ignore stories like Noah in the Bible…last week, some of my Facebook friends were joking about needing an ark because it was raining so much…but as I read their status updates, I began to consider that Noah and his family needed the ark, because our Father was destroying the land by water due to the evilness of the people at that time. So was God punishing Atlanta last week for some sin…was God punishing the city of New Orleans for some sin…who can say…God allowed Noah to know that was the case, and I believe that because that story was included in the Bible, we have to consider its ramifications…

For some of those who were affected by the flood last week, it may have been simply a case of God allowing things to happen to everyone…we don’t always know why, but believers in God can be assured that He will see them through…And for some, if you believe in the story of Noah, it may have been an example of God’s punishment! Only those people who were affected can say for sure…

At any rate, those of us who were spared from the storm or from other natural disasters, do have a responsibility as well..at least according to the Bible, we must apply the Golden Rule…

‘Love your neighbor as yourself.  Matthew 22:39

For me that means, giving what I can when I can – that may mean opening up my wallet, giving clothing or food, offering a listening ear – and of course praying for those who were affected by the storms last week…

So to those who suffered in the storms last week, I offer my condolences, support and prayers…

Also, I hope the lyrics to this song, “I Can See Clearly Now” by Jimmy Cliff also encourage you…

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Here is that rainbow I’ve been praying for.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It’s gonna be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
It’s going to be a bright (bright)
bright (bright) sunshiny day.
Yeah, hey, it’s gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright)
sunshiny day.

Any thoughts?

 

P.S. And you know that rainbows are Biblical, right?  This verse appears at the end of the Noah story…

 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth. Genesis 9:16  

Check In: 2009 will be a memory in nearly three months…

Hello World!!!

Can you believe it? September is nearly over, and after that, all we have left to 2010 is October, November and December.  So since the year is more than half over at this point, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on our goals for this year. 

One of my goals was to continue to work on making this blog the best it can be by planning topics in advance, booking guest bloggers, writing book reviews, etc. I haven’t done all that I had planned to, but I am satisfied with my progress. And I will continue to work on this goal as this year comes to a close. Another one of goals was to help plan this event for this organization that I am involved in. I’m happy to say that event went very well, and I’m really proud of myself.

But in reflecting on my involvement in that organization, I realized that I am often more committed to the goals of organizations and other people than I am to my own goals. That means that when somebody has asked me to do something, I get it done. But when I ask myself to do something, I may or may not get it done. That’s not good.  I need to commit to myself that I will be as dedicated to my own goals as I am to other people’s goals.

I am most proud of myself for working on my financial status.  I have saved more than I ever have before, and God has blessed my efforts by rewarding me with a few windfalls. I give thanks to God and my financial counselor. Another one of my goals was to commit “random acts of kindness” anonymously and otherwise for friends, associates, etc. Hmmm…I’ve got more work to do in this area…I had planned to write for four new publications this year. I have written several articles for one publication – not quite what I aspired to, but I am thankful and will keep pushing.  And I have decided to investigate a new form of writing. This was not on my original list of goals, but in this economy, we all know it’s important to diversify your skills.

One of my goals for developing this blog was to create a market for my book After the Altar Call: A Young Black Woman’s Journey of Faith, but I still hadn’t developed any specific goals  this year toward getting my book published. I had become so discouraged last year that I hadn’t approached any agents in a while, but I have decided to begin approaching agents again. To date, I have only submitted a letter to a single agent, so I have got to get busy. And if you know me, feel free to ask if I have submitted a letter to an agent lately. I need the encouragement.

And finally, I had some goals for my romantic life…awww, what can I say, what can I say…I have done my best…I haven’t gotten quite the results I had hoped for, but nevertheless I’m pressing on. In spite of my magic magnifying mind, I guess I will just have to take things one day at a time and see what unfolds…

To encourage me and you, I have decided to share two nuggets of wisdom that I love. If you are a Jamaican or were raised by a Jamaican, I’m sure that you know this Jamaican proverb or famous quote…(maybe this is why Jamaicans always have so many jobs, haha)

The heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight.  But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upwards in the night.

And here is my favorite verse in the whole Bible. If you are anything like me, you know you are prone to making mistakes and causing your own misfortune, but thanks be to God, that He is in everything…

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Finally, I’m glad God is my on my side, but I’m also thankful for friends who God has often used to encourage me this year. Even if I don’t accomplish all of my goals, my friends are always there…thank goodness…Pastor Marvin Winans wrote a touching song about not having people to turn to in his time of need…I had forgotten how much I loved the song until he sang it in Tyler Perry’s “I Can Do Bad All By Myself.” Check out the video below…how are you doing with your goals for 2009?

Any thoughts?

P.S. I don’t know what is on President Obama’s list of goals for the year, but what could possibly be wrong with providing affordable healthcare for everyone…

P.P.S.  I am still “hoping, wishing & praying…”

Blame It On Me aka Anatomy of a Breakup…

Hello World!!!

It’s still my birthday month! Yeah, my b-day was Labor Day this year, Sept. 7, and I’m still accepting gifts LOL . 

But that is not the reason for this post….If you’ve read my blog over this past year (yes, it was ago Sept. 2 that I created this blog with the help of my friend Tess Gadwa), you know that one of my favorite topics to wax creatively on is relationships. But as I’ve known since the ninth grade, sometimes you just want out or sometimes someone else makes that decision for you. Yes, that’s right I’m talking about breaking up…It’s hard to do sometimes, but it’s a fact of life without question. I remember the first time I broke up or rather was forced to break up with someone. (As I write this, I wonder if I have shared this story before as I’ve been blogging for a year now.)

As a ninth grader, Imani, who was a grade ahead of me, was my first official boyfriend. He was great. He was smart and cute – a chocolate drop with wavy hair. And his wardrobe was the business. He used to wear the fresh jogging suits with the matching sneaks. And wonder of wonders, he liked me. He walked me to my classes. He bought me stuffed animals. He wrote love letters to me. He called me almost every night. (Now that I’m well into my ’30s – 36 no less , I realize how unique he truly was…) I couldn’t date yet, but he was diggin’ me anyway for nearly three months until almost suddenly he wasn’t…And I was crushed…I couldn’t figure out how someone who was obviously into me just wasn’t anymore…aaah, such is life, such is life.

We had a fairly civil breakup in that we talked about it and then went on our way. That was very mature of us at the time…but sometimes the breakup is anything but mature…I admit I’ve been guilty of the immature breakup. In college, I, to my friends’ delight, coined the term the “slow diss.” Sometimes, I just didn’t have the courage to tell a guy I wasn’t into him anymore. So I slowly disengaged myself – getting off of the phone very quickly, not calling back, not accepting invitations for dates and on and on – until the relationship died by slow starvation…sad but true….Sounds mean, huh? But trust and believe, what goes around comes around and it has certainly been done to me…On one of my favorite shows (as you know by now) “Sex and the City,” Jack Berger broke up with Carrie by a Post-it!  on which he wrote, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” After such a stunt, of course he would be hated.

So what is the best way to breakup? Is it best to meet and discuss things face to face or does a simple or not so simple phone conversation suffice? Didn’t some athlete in New York recently break up with his fiancee by text…now, that’s bout it…and mean…And once the relationship is kaput, what’s the best way to get over somebody? I remember my best friend in the eighth grade told me the best way to get over a guy is to think of all the things you don’t like about him any ole way. Wise for her young age at the time for sure! That principle still works! A friend in college told me the best way to get over one guy is to get another aka the rebound dude. That can work too — although in my ’30s, I became fond of taking six-month breaks after dating a guy.

A friend of mine a few years ago gave me an invaluable article that I have often used to navigate my way through a breakup. “The Four Stages of Grief aka How Much Longer Until I Feel Good Again” is the best the article I’ve read on breaking up and getting over it! But another one of my favorite ways to get over a dude is listen to breakup songs. If it hasn’t been done before, somebody needs to make an album of the best breakup songs. Well, below is my soundtrack for breakups.

1. “Blame It On Me” by Chrisette Michele – this has got to be the most popular breakup song this year…This young girl has obviously known heartbreak…it oozes out in this song…
2. “Let It Flow” by Toni Braxton – once I started playing this song in college, I knew it was a wrap…I was done with you and you’d better be on your way…
3. “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt – as much as I love to talk, sometimes there are no words we need to say except that “it is over…”
4. “Hit the Road Jack” by Ray Charles – “Margie” in the movie Ray sang that song with all of the venom that a breakup sometimes involves…
5. “Not Gon’ Cry” by Mary J. Blige – I’m glad that Mary is doing “Just Fine” nowadays, but she know she can tear up a breakup song…I was your lover and your secretary, and you still did me wrong…
6. “Irreplaceable” by Beyonce – Trust, you ain’t the only one where that came from…
7. “It Ain’t Me Babe” by Joaquin Phoenix & Reese Witherspoon – I know these actors recorded this song for the movie “Walk the Line” about Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash, but they put their foot in this song. It is a classic “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup song…And it ain’t nothin’ like a country song to get you through…
8. “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor – I’ma be alright…I WILL SURVIVE!
9. “Show Me Love” by Robin S. – Who is this chick? I don’t know, but whenever I hear this song, my arms immediately move over my head…I’m tired of giving my love and getting nowhwere…sang it girl!
10. “Call Tyrone” by Erykah Badu – This song really works when you’ve been dealing with a dude that is straight trife…Man, get outta my face…you ain never bought me nothin’ no way…

So what songs are on your breakup soundtrack?  How do you get over someone? What’s the worst way you’ve ever broken up with someone? Has it come back to haunt you?

Any thoughts?