The Rise of the Alpha Female…and the men they choose to marry…

Who Dat?

And that’s pretty much all I’ma say about the Super Bowl…I was gonna write something that had to do with the Super Bowl, but I’ma keep it real…I don’t get into football like that…although I know the Saints will be marching in by the end of the day…How can they lose with a name like that?

So after I saw the third article on this topic, I knew I had to discuss it here on this blog…In one article I read, former Us Weekly Editor-In-Chief Janice Min made more in one paycheck than her husband made in a whole year!!!(Apparently, she made roughly $2 million a year…I would say that is PHENOMENAL for a journalist. READ: Can I get somma dat some day?) According to an article in The New York Times, more men are likely to marry women who earn more money than they do than ever before according to Pew Research Center data….NPR,  in another article,  “Modern Marriages: The Rise of The Sugar Mama,” explored the same topic using the same data. In this article, one husband is married to a woman who works at the same company as he does — except she is two management levels above him. And THREE of his wife’s brothers are in a similar situation…Below is an interesting excerpt from the same article…

“I think this is really an example of an outdated idea,” says Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage: A History. Coontz says that in a 1967 poll, two-thirds of women said they’d consider marrying a man they did not love if he had good earnings potential.

“Now, women have a completely different point of view,” Coontz says. “They say overwhelmingly — 87 percent — that it’s more important to have a man who can communicate well, who can be intimate and who will share the housework than to have someone who makes more money than you do.”

So how do y’all feel about that? Could you marry a man who makes less than you do? A friend and I were discussing relationships yesterday as we often do. We talked about how some of us who are still in the game (the dating game) still tout money as one of the main qualities that a eligible man must have. She said the term “love” rarely comes up as a quality – meaning that women rarely talk about a man loving them as an important quality. She cited a Bible verse…

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33

In sum, husbands are commanded to love their wives, and women are commanded to respect their husbands…So I wonder if women need to look at love as the most important quality to look for in a man…But then again, some women may not be able to respect a man if his earning potential is less than hers…

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  I Timothy 5:18

Now to be fair, providing for your household does not mean that you have to make more in my opinion. It does means that you have to provide your share…But some women may interpret that verse as meaning that a man must make more money than they do…What do you think? What do I think…

Well, when I was in j-school (journalism school), I found out pretty quickly that journalism was not one of the careers you chose if you are simply trying to get paid…People typically become journalists become they love the written word and have an insatiable curiousity. (READ: Me in a nutshell.) And now that our country is in its current economic state, journalism, as y’all probably know,  has become even less lucrative across the board…With that in mind, would it make sense for me to marry a man that makes less than I do…I’m honestly not sure…but judging from what I’ve seen in the news, some of the world’s richest, most powerful men make the worst husbands…And then again, just because a man is not rich and powerful doesn’t mean that he’s a keeper either…

Any thoughts?

To honor Black History Month, I will offer a memorable quote from someone in black history on each post I write this month…

“No person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you were intended.”  Alice Walker….(Did y’all know that Alice Walker has a blog?)

Pssst, girl have you heard…aka Sins I Still Struggle With…

Hello World!!!

I hope that even though the New Year is a officially a month old as of  today, you still have the fresh-faced optimism that a New Year brings…I do…And while it is a New Year, I realized last week that there are some behaviors that I should have left in 2009 but have managed to stay with me in the new decade…

So last week, I reconnected with an old friend that I haven’t spoken with in years.  And this old friend gave me some good ole juicy gossip – not new stuff necessarily but stuff that was sooo inflammatory I felt like I had to tell somebody…Now if y’all are dyed-in-the-wool gossips like I am, you know you can’t tell your good ole gossip all willy nilly lest your news be ill received or worse, not responded to at all…So like a cheetah eyeing its prey, I found just the woman I wanted to tell my gossip to…I knew she would appreciate it just like I did…and we would laugh together in glee at the news we were privy to…Well, I said something like, “Girl, when you pass by here again, gone head and stop because I got something good to tell you.” I kind of snickered in a devilish way for effect after my statement. “And if you don’t appreciate gossip, you might not want to hear it.”  That my disclaimer. She smiled and said to tell her next week because she was fasting then…Oh well, as we gossips know, everybody ain’t ready to hear what you got to share…That’s cool though. You just got to find another worthy person which with to get in cahoots…

So about an hour or so later, I was on the telephone with another friend. I was reasonably sure this person wouldn’t appreciate the goods either but I tested her out anyway…I said, “Girl, I shouldn’t be gossiping but…” She rebuked me like the devil and told me she was fasting too and didn’t want to hear it…Well, then my feelings were hurt…Well, not really…I knew then that God was trying to get my attention…so I didn’t attempt to share my gossip at Bible Study that night in the form of a prayer request like I can do sometimes…”Well, y’all need to pray for so and so because they are going through___________.” Scandalous, I know….

I guess what is so difficult for me is that I am truly nosy by nature and it has served me well in my chosen career…and journalists are,  in fact, paid to be nosy…And I relish it, let me tell you…and sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between when I’m doing my job and when I’m carefully trying to ferret out details that are really none of my business…So how do I differentiate between gossip and news? Well first of all, I believe that God has no problem with me reading my gossip blogs…My girl from LuxeTips and I are notorious among our girls for knowing all of the celebrity dish…Some people tune into football…We tune into the celebrity world…I honestly don’t feel there is a problem with that…We laugh about folk’s drama according to certain blogs or discuss who was wearing what at different events…No harm, no foul…I think most celebrities think that if you’re not talking about them, they are not relevant anyway…

But I do feel a pang of guilt when I’m talking about takes on a life of its own and I find myself discussing Jay-Z and Beyonce’s relationship with a passion that I know would better be directed toward my own life…And I certainly know its wrong to collect gossip on people I know like I have some sort of mental file cabinet in my head in which each person has his or her own file…And I am guilty of that…And God is not pleased…I was talking with someone last night and they finally had to cut me off like I was a drunk at a bar…This person had shared some great dish up until that point but even they had enough of my pleas to “Tell Me!” 

Since today is Sunday, it’s a perfect opportunity to renew my commitment to live within the will of God…and sometimes, it can be hard to figure out God’s will…But when the issue is clearly addressed in the Bible, I know there is no excuse to act ignorant….

If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26

I’m making a joke of this…but for real, God is not pleased…I will be praying for forgiveness…

Any thoughts?

This song perfectly addresses one of my other issues…Y’all pray for me…

Save the Date: Sex and the City 2 Trailer…

Hello World,

I’m late on posting this…but on May 28, “Sex and the City 2″ is coming out….will you be there….(Squealing and clapping hands on the inside…)

I will. And so will my girls. Take a look at the official trailer, and tell me what you think…It’s like the Superbowl for women…Who Dat?

Any thoughts?

Broads and Billboards aka Oh YaVaughnie…

Hello World!!!

When this juicy story arrived in my e-mail inbox on Friday courtesy of my girl U, I knew I had to write about it…this story is one for the history books…It should definitely be a chapter, if not section, in the Playa Playa manual….Okay, enough of the intro…

Oracle president Charles Phillips must have had a near coronary when he discovered that his former mistress of nearly nine years literally put their love display by posting a picture of the couple on billboards in San Francisco, where Oracle is based; Atlanta and New York’s Time Square. Apparently YaVaughnie (that name is something huh?) was inspired to do so after discovering that Charles was going back to his wife. But she did not stop there. She created a Web site, that has now been taken down, that included a montage of pictures of the couple complete with a soundtrack of karaoke tunes recorded by the former lovers.

I guess what trips me out about this story beyond the obvious is that Phillips is a black man and the president of Oracle…I mean I know that our president is black…but something about this makes me wonder what our forefathers like Frederick Douglass or Harriet Tubman would say…I’m like you defied the odds against you as a black man and rose the top of a major corporation and managed to be taken down by a woman…But I guess folks died so that we could be free – free to vote and free to cheat if we so desire…

And beyond that, I wonder how does one go about being the mistress to the president of a major corporation…They must have obviously run in the same circles…but what circle exactly did YaVaughnie come from…According to stories I’ve read, YaVaughnie is an actress and a writer…but I cannot find a single acting credit or anything she has written…hmmm…something to ponder…

And beyond that, I wonder how many women are approached by married men…As far as I know, two married men have approached me, but of course, I shut them down…But back to YaVaughnie, I understand her pain to a certain degree but how did she wake up day after day for more than eight years knowing that she was cheating with somebody’s husband, the father of a child…

If had to write a chapter in the Playa Playa Manual about YaVaughnie (I love her name), I would entitle it “It’s a Thin Line…” (Y’all fill in the rest…) I would say, “Playas, when thinking of taking a mistress, one must consider the temperament of the ‘lady’ in question. The same woman who is wild and free will remain wild and free when you decide her services are no longer needed. Please consult the section on Steve McNair.  You must also consider the station in life of the ‘lady’ in question. If she has nothing to lose, chances are you will be losing a great deal should you decide her services are no longer needed. Please consult the section on Tiger Woods.” I could go on and on…

I think there should be a yearly edition of the Playa Playa Manual, and the most infamous cheater of the year should be pictured on the cover. Although 2010 has just begun, I think John Edwards should be on the cover for the 2010 edition. (I’m just having fun now…I’m sorry for those who are offended…) You cheat on your cancer-stricken wife and father a child with the mistress…Really, there are no words…I think former President Bill Clinton should be a consultant for the manual…

But seriously though, it’s all sooo sad….since this is a religious blog, lemme go head and add some applicable scripture to this commentary…

But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself. Proverbs 6:32

Any thoughts?

Remembering A King…

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends…

John 15:13 (New International Version)

 

Dear Pat…

Dear Pat Robertson,

As you well know, last Tuesday, thousands of Haitians were forced to reckon with what is likely the trial of their lives, an earthquake that decimated tens of thousands in a matter of seconds. All around the globe, acts and words of compassion have flowed like a river and will hopefully help restore and replenish what is left on this dusty isle.  But your words, Sir, do not seem to be compassionate or healing.

According to stories I have read, you have accused the Haitian people of bringing this disaster on themselves by “making a pact with the devil.”  Since you claim to be such a Biblical scholar, I know you are familiar with the words of Ecclesiastes 3. In this poignant chapter, God points out that there is a time for everything. There is a “time to weep and a time to laugh.” There is a “time to love and a time to hate.” “There is a time to be a silent and a time to speak.” Given that is a time to weep for Haitians, would it not be the time for us as Christians (or ones who profess to know Jesus Christ) to speak words of love and if we have none, to keep silent?

As a Christian, I do believe that our actions have consquences, but as we Christians also know that Jesus “causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous.” (Matthew  5:45) But no where in that verse does God say that we human beings can determine who God believes is good and evil or righteous or unrighteous. But apparently, Sir, you have been afforded the unique ability to connect some supposed pact with the devil made hundreds of years ago to what happened last Tuesday. I wonder if you have read Matthew 7 in a while. In its opening verse, we are cautioned not to judge others and that what we use to judges others will be used to judge us.  Because of that verse, I know I cannot judge you. But I do ask to that you look at verses 21-22. According to those verses, everyone that says “Lord, Lord” and professes to speak on His behalf and prophesy in His name does not necessarily know the Lord.

Finally, I want to point out Luke 14 to you. In this chapter, the religious leaders of the day, named Pharisees, asked Jesus if it was lawful to heal on the Sabbath. In fact, they brought a sick man before him. We Christians know that Jesus in His lovingkindness commands us to rest on the Sabbath to replenish ourselves after six days of work. And so the Pharisees who were known to love the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law expected Jesus to say that not even healing could be done on the Sabbath. Jesus did not even respond in words then. Instead, he healed the man and sent him on his way. And then he spoke. “If one of you has a son or an ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath day, will you not immediately pull him out?” The Pharisees did not have anything to say.

Pact with the devil or not Pat, I wonder if you had family members who lived in Haiti, would you have uttered those words. Somehow, I doubt it…Again, I don’t want to judge you as that is not my right, but I do hope that you consider the words of the Bible as you speak in the future. And let us not forget that while we are not commanded to judge, we are commanded to pray. Let’s pray for the Haitians and help in their healing.

Sincerely-

Jacqueline J. Holness

I HEART MY DST – part deux

The Founders of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated

Hello World!!!

In honor of the founding of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. on January 13, 1913, I have decided to dedicate today’s post to my beloved sorority. My post is a history lesson of sorts, and I will be taking my information from the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Web site and other Web sites.

On this day, 97 years ago, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority was founded by 22 students at Howard University in our nation’s capital. These women aspired to promote academic excellence while serving the community around them. In fact, their first public act as a sorority was to march in the Women’s Suffrage March in Washington, D.C. in March 1913. Delta Sigma Theta Sorority was incorporated in 1930.

Since then, woman of fortitude from all over the world, some 940 chapters, have become members of this illustrious sorority. The largest African-American Greek-lettered sorority in the world,  our motto is “intelligence is the torch of wisdom.” Let me take the time to honor some of the women who include being a Delta on their long list of accomplishments. In no particular order…

Soror Vashti Murphy McKenzie – the first female bishop elected in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. She is also the national chaplain of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated and granddaughter of Delta founder Vashti Turley Murphy.     

Soror Murphy McKenzie

Soror Regina Benjamin – the 18th surgeon general of the United States.  Dr. Benjamin previously ran a non-profit medical clinic in Bayou La Batre, Alabama.  Her clinic was destroyed by Hurricane Katrina in 2005 and one day before the clinic was scheduled to reopen, the clinic was destroyed by fire. However, Dr. Benjamin forged ahead, rebuilding the clinic a second time.

Soror Alexa Canady-Davis – the first African-American woman to become a neurosurgeon. Soror Canady-Davis is the daughter of Soror Hortense Canady, a past national president of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated.

Soror Canady-Davis

Soror Keshia Knight Pulliam – an actress from the groundbreaking televison show “The Cosby Show.” Although an adult, Soror Knight Pulliam is affectionately known the world over as “Rudy,” the character she played on the hit show.

Soror Jacque Reid – a journalist known for work with BET Nightly News and a host of other news organizations. Soror Reid can be heard every Tuesday and Friday on the “Tom Joyner Morning Show” educating its listeners about black women throughout the world in the segment “Inside Her Story.” She is currently on the VH1 reality show “Let’s Talk About Pep” with her friend Pepa of famed rap group Salt N Pepa.

Soror Stephanie Perry Moore – a Christian fiction novelist. Soror Perry Moore, who has penned over 25 inspirational titles, is also a motivational speaker and community activist.

Soror Denise L. Nappier – the first African-American woman to serve as a state treasurer in the country. As the state treasurer for Connecticut, she oversees  a budget of $50 billion.

Soror Stephanie Perry Moore

And the list goes on…

I’m inspired, and I have much work to do…What about you?

Oo-oop my sorors!!!

Any thoughts?

I’m a Negro, He’s a Negro, Wouldn’t You Like to be a Negro too?

Hello World!!!

With all of the focus on the word “negro” this year from the 2010 Census to Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid’s description of President Obama as a “‘light-skinned’ African American with ‘no Negro dialect’ unless he wanted to have one,” I have started thinking about how black people refer to themselves. And how you choose to refer to yourself in spite of or because of how others refer to you.

Tiger Woods has famously referred to himself as “Cablinasian.” I wonder if he is now retreating in Cablinasia while all of this media fervor continues….We have had so many names in country… in no particular order, negroid, colored, Afro American and now African American…Radio host Glenn Beck has a problem with the term African American…Since my heritage is Jamaican and I was born in Kansas, I sometimes call myself a Jamerican…Since I’m a single black woman, some may think of me as doomed — let ABC ’s “Nightline” tell it…

Above my race, heritage, and marital status, I refer to myself as a Christian…And as a Christian, I like to reflect on how Jesus, rather than the world, sees me…

Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17:8

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Romans 8:37

I am black but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon. Song of Solomon 1:5 (If I were the writer of this verse, I would say black and lovely…) Song of Solomon 1:5

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

As I have said before, I am no theologian. So if you know of some more verses, please comment and let me know what they are…

Any thoughts?

P.S. I love dreadlocks…to me, there is nothing to be dreaded about them….

Me...aside from the obligatory pimple or pimples I seem to always sport these days, I love this pic of me...fearfully and wonderfully made, yes indeed!

Alert: Black Men Are Officially On the Endangered Species List and other useless propaganda…

Hello World,

I had composed what I thought was an eloquent, sociological diatribe of a post about the ABC “Nightline” piece that aired last month about black women, particularly those living in Atlanta, and their inability to find mates due to the shortage of black men…But since this is the Internet and in the interest of self-preservation, I thought better of it…

And now I don’t feel like sugar coating what I originally said…

So I simply want to know what y’all think…take a look at the video if you haven’t seen it already, and let me know…

‘Preciate your thoughts…i.am.out…

Something the Lord Made…2010 is here!

Hello World!!!

Happy New Year! I had hoped to post on Dec. 31 or at least Jan. 1, but alas, deadlines and life got in the way…

At any rate, ready or not, a new year, a new decade even, is upon us…and what are we do? (Side note: Am I the only one that wonders why 2000-2010 is not considered a decade?…I mean dec, the prefix, means 10…I don’t know) I have decided to take my cue from a movie I watched on Christmas Day. HBO movie “Something the Lord Made” is the heartwarming story of Dr. Vivien Thomas, a black lab assistant who through an unlikely partnership with renown white surgeon Alfred Blalock, inaugurated modern cardiac surgery. As Thomas lived during the time of the Depression, his dream of attending college and medical school had to be shelved while he earned money to support his family. And although, Dr. Blalock would have been unable to perform the first “Blue Baby” surgery without Dr. Thomas’ assistance, Thomas’ contribution went nearly unnoticed as black people’s accomplishments were marginalized then. In fact, as Thomas performed procedures on lab dogs, Blalock commented that a surgical incision Thomas had done was “like something the Lord made.”

Years later, John Hopkins University School of Medicine honored by Thomas by awarding  him a honorary doctorate as he was never able to attend medical school although he trained some of the country’s top surgeons.

I guess what inspired me most about the movie was that it was obvious that God used Dr. Thomas to perform His handiwork and yet again prove that “God has choosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise.”  ( I Corinthians 1:27) The movie led me to ponder what is my gift that will be “like something the Lord made?” I was encouraged to discover that a journalist, Katie McCabe, was the one that first brought Thomas’ poignant story to the attention of the world. While I have not written a story that has been as popular as McCabe’s story yet, I’m thankful to God for how He has used me thus far and look forward to future stories I will write….

Another detail of the movie that struck me was that Dr. Thomas’ inability to attend college and medical school may have been a blessing…although it did not seem so at the time I’m sure. Since Dr. Thomas was unable to pursue his educational dreams, he was forced to get a job – a job that fortuitously paired him with a top surgeon. And their partnership saved lives. It’s doubtful that, due to the constraints of segregation, that they would have paired together otherwise…Yes, God commands that “in everything, give thanks for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (I Thessalonians 5:18)  Yes, things that seem pretty crappy, according to God’s word, we are to thank God for them…easier said than done…but I’ve been thanking God lately for something in my life that I would rather not have to deal with, but since I’ve done that, I’ve been surprised about how peaceful I feel about it…God allowed this happen in my life, and I trust that He has purpose for it…

By the way, I did not get this insight on my own…My father recently preached a sermon in which he referred to Corrie ten Boom, a woman who as put in a concentration camp during the Holocaust…While there, she was infested with lice. Her sister, who was also there, reminded her of the verse I mentioned above. Of course, ten Boom bristled at first, then acquiesced…Later she discovered that due to her lice infestation, the guards at the camp left her alone…

So 2010 is here, and I did not receive what I hoped, wished and prayed for in 2009… What am I going to do? Accept it. Does that mean I’m giving up on my dreams? Not hardly. I’m just accepting God’s sovereignty and waiting for His direction…

2010 is something the Lord made, and I will rejoice and be glad!

Any thoughts?

P.S. Mos Def portrayed Thomas in the movie…He is sexy for real…although buddy got eight chillun with four women according to Wikipedia…that ain’t too sexy…