What To Do When Your Friends Get Married…

Hello World!

One of my fave brides and her bridesmaids...Their friendship didn't change too much after Carrie got married...but this is fiction so...

It’s Hump Day! Yay! I cannot believe I have become one of those pathetic old fogies that lives for the weekends. Remember back in college when every day had the potential to be a weekend?..those days are so gone…oh well…

Speaking of college, I pledged Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated in Spring 1995! (Oo-oop Sorors!) I remember my roommate and one of my best guy friends at the time worried that I would change after I crossed (became a Delta). I assured them that I was once a geek and would always be a geek – even it I did secretly hope that I would be a better-dressed geek at the least. After I crossed, I was still cool with everyone – but I must confess that I did change. I traded in my thick braids for a short Halle Berry haircut, and I switched my glasses for contacts. And my wardrobe became more fly as well.  So my secret wish did come true with the help of my more fashionable sorors. But to my surprise, I changed on the inside as well. I did not shun my roommate or my best guy friend, but I did gain a whole new circle of friends – my line sisters and other sorors. As a result, I had to  divide my time between more friends which did not leave as much time as I once had for my roommate and best guy friend. (My guy friend accused me of walking around campus randomly chanting, “I love my DST!” LOL) I didn’t mean anything by it. It just happened…

So that was a long intro into today’s topic. In the last five years or so, friend after friend, guys and girls, are getting married…and I’m happy for all of them. But I must confess that I do feel a sense of loss. I called one of my newly married friends about a month ago, and she still hasn’t called me back yet. Instead of a call, a week or so ago, I received a thank you card which was actually a photograph montage of her and her new hubby from the wedding. So I guess it’s like that now, huh?

One of my friends just stopping hanging cold turkey many months before her and her new hubby got hitched. Another one of my newly married friends has moved away. She didn’t move away because she got married, but I cannot help but think she was more open to the idea of moving away because she has a new best friend that will go with her anywhere. I asked that same friend what she was going to do one weekend day, and she replied that her and her hubby were going to be in pajamas all day and just watch TV. Gag me with a spoon! (Just kidding!) One of my newly married friends is still pretty much the same. She still likes to kick it and hang and even talk on the phone, but she is the minority. Do I sound like I’m bitter? I’m not. And thankfully, I have a boyfriend or manfriend or whatever you call a guy you are dating after you are 35 who I get to get all booed up with too…but it’s still kind of weird to see all of this happen around me…So I have a few questions for you married folks, but sometimes I just don’t know how to act with y’all anymore.

  1. Should I assume that you no longer want to hang on the weekends anymore as a general rule? Let a girl know because no one likes rejection…
  2. When is a good time to call you? Are you and your hubby relaxing in bed as of 8 p.m.? Should I not call before 10 a.m. on Saturday mornings because you and your hubby are still in bed? Can I call you late at night if I have a problem and I need to vent?
  3. Do you now prefer your married girlfriends over me now? Do you still want to go on vacays with the girls? Or do you prefer your vacays with your hubby?
  4. Do you have dinner every weeknight with your hubby, or are you still available some weeknights for a quick dinner?
  5. If I leave a voice mail for you, how long will it take you to get back to me?
  6. Can you still go to slumber parties at your girls’ house? One of my friend’s husbands was not so excited about my friend staying out all night for the slumber parties that my girls have periodically…I think he’s over it now once he realized that it’s really harmless i.e. we are really not at the club looking for guys…we are actually just chillin’ in our pajamas at someone’s house…
  7. How long can we kick it at your house? Do we get kicked out by a certain time, or is your husband cool with us kicking it till the break of dawn?
  8. Can you still go to parties with your girls?
  9. Can I still discuss all of my single girl woes with you, or do you now want to only focus on married bliss?
  10. Do you still love me? LOL…

For real dough, it’s not that serious since my life is changing too, but these are questions that have my crossed my mind. So married people tell me what’s up…

Any thoughts?

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~ by jackieholness on March 9, 2011.

9 Responses to “What To Do When Your Friends Get Married…”

  1. Speaking for the recently married, honetly my husband has’t changed my thinking about “hanging” at all. He wants me to hang out as much as I want to but the thing is I have changed. My interests and what I like to do have changed. This started happening to me before I got married..it’s like I was just mentally ready for the next phase of life – marriage, children, being settled down. Hanging out with my friends and going out to dinner is still fun for me but just not every week or as often as some of my friends get together. It’s not that I don’t love them, it’s just that doing the same old thing has played out with me (been there done that for over 20 years now – I started hanging out at 16) LOL Bottom line – I am still your friend and we can talk and I will listen to you when you need to vent or talk about the woes of single life (but please don’t do it to the point where you make me depressed!) and go to slumber parties, etc but as far as being out and about with you like I used to be…..I would rather be home snuggled up my honey..sorry! Or even when he is out with his friends most of the time I would still rather just stay home and enjoy my “me time”. I will hang out maybe once a month or every other month when i feel like I miss being out LOL

  2. LOL!!! I know that was all said with love, and I appreciate the honesty…I will put you on my “call every now and then” list since you will be either at home hangin’ with the hubby or enjoying “me time” 🙂 No worries…And the wedding was beautiful 🙂

  3. 1. Absolutely not. Ask and I will let you know if/when I am available. But I must admit that with work, gym time, me time and hubby time – my weekends are sacred. Please don’t be upset if I am NOT always available.
    2. It depends. For me, a respectable cut off for ALL calls is 9pm. If I am available, I may pick up my cell phone after 9 – but we are usually together so probably not.
    3. No, I prefer my HAPPY friends. I just want to be around people who are happy with life – married or single (bitter married people are no fun). Happily married friends make it easier, then you kill two birds with one stone, but I still do things with my girls. I have never been one for extended girls only vacations so I don’t foresee that changing.
    4. We do have dinner together every night and breakfast and lunch on the weekends :-). But I do schedule an occasional lunch/dinner out. I just choose these times sparingly. Although I am a newlywed, this is how we have been for almost 4 years. We enjoy hanging out with each other and I don’t know anyone that I have more fun with!
    5. If you are my true friend, the same day. Random calls from associates may never get returned or returned within a week.
    6. I’d prefer to go to bed with him … but I do have an amazing crew of friends from Vegas that I’d probably do a slumber party with.
    7. If we have guests over, you can kick it until we kick you out :-)! If you are at our home, you are special and we want to enjoy you.
    8. Absolutely, but once again I choose these times sparingly. Am I going out every week – no. But every few months or so, yes, It’s fun and I enjoy it. But it has to be worth it … not just some random get together with someone I sort of know. Not just because I am married, but because all the money spent going out adds up.
    9. Absolutely! I despise the secret married club – when married people only talk to other married people. My married friends mentored me when I was single and I want to do the same. I don’t want to hear constant -itching and moaning from ANYONE, but I LOVE my single friends.
    10. Of course I do, but if everything stayed exactly the same I’d hope that you would be concerned as well.

  4. Thank you Bloggess for answering all of my questions. I really appreciate it…if only I could get more feedback from other newly marrieds…It’s so sweet your hubby is your fave person to be around! And four years before you got married, interesting…

  5. God is my life. My husband is my connection.
    My friends are necessary for my overall well-being.
    My husband and I will travel throughout the rest of our lives together. So for the 1st time, I feel like I can live anywhere in this world because I’ll have family there. And upon entering 2 years. I can trully say he is my truest love.
    My friends provide a necessary outlet and pipeline to the rest of the world. Many people do not understand the value of friends. Hence, some end up changing to a new group of friends every few years.
    I am blessed to say I am still best friends with my high school best friend. I am still best friends with my college best friend. I have added additional friends as well from work and church.
    I have realized the value of friends. My friends are my sounding board. They act as critics, supporters, influencers, or we discuss how our actions should not be emulated.
    We can recall the others history to childhood, which I love. I noticed that many older people didn’t have friends, whom they could talk to, share with or get advice from. I’ve found this to br dangerous to the overall well-being, especially for women. They have no one to counsel too or with whom they really trust with providing suggestions for their life. God has sent me a trusted bunch who really love me.
    My youngest friendship is 5 years.

  6. I look forward to having a husband I can call my family, but I also appreciate my girlfriends just as much. When I finally become a member of the Wifey Club, I still plan to cherish my girlfriends as in many ways I consider them my mirrors who help me to see who I am if that makes sense…

  7. You marry someone because he’s the person you want to be with more than anyone else in the world. That doesn’t mean you should completely cut yourself off from girlfriends, but that “hanging with my girls” thing gets really old after a while. A dinner together every now and then is nice, but we’re called by God to cleave to our spouse not our girlfriends. LOL!

  8. I hear you Chicki! Balance is in order, but the pendulum should should swing to the spouse more…

  9. I have a question for you, what do you think about married women having male friends or married men having women friends?

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