If I Were Not A Writer, I Would Be…

Hello World!!!

I just love this pic...sweet and sexy...

I just love this pic...sweet and sexy...

I’ve missed you…I intended to write another post last week, but life got in the way…But that’s okay…If you are artist, as I fancy myself to be, you know that your life is your inspiration and when it gets boring, your art becomes boring…Anywho, suffice it to say, I had an interesting week last week that I’m sure will be written about in form or another on this blog…

Case in point: As a friend and I were preparing to run four miles last week (we are training for the Peachtree Road Race here in the A), we discussed what what our careers would be if we had not chosen our current careers….I have wanted to be a writer since I was six years old and never gave serious thought to any other profession, but I told my friend that I would be a television show producer…

But as I was thinking about blogging yesterday, I realized that my initial answer wasn’t really the best answer…I think I would be a psychologist or psychiatrist…My father, who has a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in clinical psychology, has often said that he wanted to be a psychologist before he was called to be a minister. So I must have inherited this interest from him. At any rate, my father has also said that most people who become psychologists do so to understand themselves…That makes sense to me…I love learning what makes me tick…

For roughly the past five years, I have focused on learning about romantic relationships and why my romantic relationships have not last very long historically…As I approached my ’30s, I realized, like many other women around that age, that I would like to get married at some point, but I also realized that with my track record it probably wasn’t going to happen…I mean if you can only date someone three or four or maybe even six months if you try VERY HARD, then it may be unlikely to that you will get married…

So at first, I conducted informal surveys on my friends and family…Since my mother has been married since I’ve known her (ha,ha – a jokey joke), I asked her why she thought my relationships never lasted very long. She said she thought that I was a commitment phobe…At first, I said to myself she doesn’t know what she is talking about, but after doing an inventory of the loves of my life to that point, I started thinking that maybe she had a point. I had a penchant for liking guys that were “hard to get.” In other words, the more you didn’t want me, the  more I wanted you…Why would you chase guys that didn’t want to be caught unless you did not want to be caught either…Deep huh? And the guys who wanted to chase me I thought were insanely boring and weak minded. Even deeper…So that was my starting point…

A beautiful blended family...

A beautiful blended family...

Since then, I have talked to more people formally and informally to get a grip on why romantic relationships have been so elusive for me. I have also read numerous books. Just to make you laugh, I will post some of the titles here:

The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger – Interesting quote from the book – “Men are only interested in two things: If I’m not horny, make me a sandwich.”

Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others by John T. Molloy – Interesting quote from the book- “The primary diffence between women who marry and those who do not is this: Women who marry insist on marriage. They settle for nothing else.”

The Sistahs’ Rules by Denene Miller – Interesting quote from the book – “The way to a man’s heart is through a great plate of greens. Old- fashioned yes. But trust me – as sure as the sky is blue and Brian McKnight is fine, black men are more apt to fall in love with a woman who can cook them up a nice meal.”

Keeping The Love You Find by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. – Interesting quote from the book – “You will be able to break the repetitive pattern of past relationships; you will change the kind of person to whom you are attracted (and who eventually frustrates you); and you will be in a better position to attract someone who is willing and able to work to achieve a deep and lasting love.”

Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons by Dr. Neil Clark Warren (The E-Harmony Guy) – Interesting quote from the book – “Perhaps in no other area is it more crucial to be well matched than in the area of spirituality.”

Reading each of these books and others have given me insight into myself and others, and I feel blessed that these authors chose to write these books. (Excuse me while I whine for a bit…will my book EVER be published?…okay so back to the topic) And I have also read several interesting articles…And let me just say this…part of the reason why I have devoted so much  time to this topic is because I do want to have a long-lasting relationship one day but the other reason is that I just love learning about different topics. When I was in the fifth grade or thereabout, I was obsessed with learning about ghosts and read countless books about ghosts…At another time in my life, I was obsessed with reading biographies…At another point, I read books about slavery….So relationships are my current obsession I guess…

So back to what I was about to say about articles on relationships. Through reading one particular article, I have discovered that since I am a pretty anxious person by nature, and I have a tendency to sabotage relationships as a result because I’m always expecting the “other shoe to drop” so to speak…I read the original article back in 2007, but I found it yesterday on another person’s blog.

Anyway, at the end of the article is a link to a test that simulates a romance through presenting various scenarios in a relationship that happen over a period of time. By taking the test, Choose Your Own Adventure, which lasts about 15 minutes, you can determine the way you relate to others in a romantic relationship. I rated 6.61 on a scale of 1 to 7, with 1 being low anxiety and 7 being high anxiety. (Yes, DKW, I am very anxious!)

Im sure she is not one to be played with...

I'm sure she is not one to be played with...

So my mama is right!  Historically, I have been a commitment phobe…If you chase after someone who you really cannot be caught, maybe its because you know he or she can never get close enough to the real you to hurt you…

DEEP…

Any thoughts?

P.S. This is totally off topic…Okay, has anyone seen the video for “Blame It” by Jamie Foxx…Opie aka Richie Cunningham aka Hollywood power broker Ron Howard is in the video and so is the recently deceased Izzy Stephens from Grey’s Anatomy…Hilarious!

P.P.S.  Has anyone seen the “President Obama” spoof of the video for “Blame It?” Even more hilarious!

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~ by jackieholness on May 17, 2009.

6 Responses to “If I Were Not A Writer, I Would Be…”

  1. Hey Jackie ~ Well I just celebrated my 11-year anniversary yesterday, but this post took me straight back to my single days, a good 14 years of my adult life. First let me say that I have no doubt my “anxiety” rating would soar well past 7 toward the range of 77. I once had a blind date, and on our way out of the restaurant, he looked at me with unabashed pity and said, “Be happy with yourself.” Hello? I’m a clue, please come get me!! But I didn’t. Well, I not yet walking with the Lord and so I was lost in every area of my life, most of all my search for a marriage partner. I thought sex was the path toward compatibility. But you know, God redeems all that stuff in His good time. When I met my husband, he was non-practicing Southern Baptist and I was a passionate 12-stepper. I thought I’d teach him a thing or two about God. Oh, how the Lord must have busted a gut over that! I am grateful and humbled to say that it was my husband who gently and indirectly brought me to Jesus. I seriously doubt we’d have made it this long if Jesus weren’t the center of our marriage. So I agree with the eHarmony guy. All that to say…hang in there, girl. If being married is a desire of your heart, God is already on the case.

  2. @Katy, first of all, congrats on your anniversary!!! I hope y’all did something fun yesterday to celebrate! Secondly, that’s a hilarious first date story! And thirdly, thanks for sharing your story and encouragement! 🙂

  3. All of those quotes are right on point! 🙂

    Since I’ve been married for 33 years (OMG!), I know you don’t want to hear what I have to say about the dating stuff. I’ll ask you about your book instead. Most successful writers say the best way to get published is to keep writing. If you’re still submitting the first one, start the next one. That can’t be the only book in you. If you’re getting agent/editor comments on the first one, make the suggested changes, because editors DO know what they’re talking about. A first book that doesn’t need major revision is extremely rare.

  4. @Chicki, yes, you’ve been married a loong time, so I’m sure you have some wisdom to share 🙂 As for my book, I need to start praying about that again so that I can get some guidance in that area, but yes, I’m sure I have another book in me…but I have to pray on that too…how is your publishing journey going these days?

  5. What a terrific site, and love the article, along with the comments. Actually I am a writer and I was blogging to promote my new book,”Beth:Love Along The Way…by B.G.Sanford,” and just released by Eloquent Books. It’s the amazing and entertaining story of one woman who overcomes all odds and obstacles life has thrown at her, along with a couple of bitter divorces, to find real Love…..Along the Way. If one is so inclined, they can purchase my book on line or have their favorite bookstore order it for them. Either way, the reader is in for a real treat!
    Good reading my friends,
    B.G.Sanford
    http://www.eloquentbooks.com/BethLoveAlongTheWay.html

  6. Thanks for stopping by B.G. Sanford! Hope you stop by again…

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