I’m such a hater aka I sometimes break The Ten Commandments…

Hello World!!!

It has been said that confession is good for the soul. And so in deference to that adage, I confess that I frequently covet

My earliest remembrance of this destructive behavior in my life goes back to when I was about six years old. A single mother who worked nights lived next door to my family and me.  In neighborly kindness, I guess, the single mother’s daughter, who shall go nameless, was allowed to stay over at our apartment each night. In the morning, her mother would come and get her. The girl was about a year younger than me and so we became fast friends.

But I quickly  noticed that this girl had things that I didn’t have. She wore name name brand clothing for instance and had jewelry even. In my six-year-old mind, I deduced that the reason my parents didn’t lavish name brand clothing and jewelry on me was that there was three of us and they couldn’t afford to spend their money on such frivolties. And I also deduced that my friend’s mama only had to cover two people, and that’ s why her mama could spend that way. But I was still jealous…I would try to comfort myself by saying to myself, I bet she wishes she had a daddy and brothers like I do…And that sentiment would work for a while, but then I would find myself thinking of what she had and what I didn’t have again. It got so bad that sometimes I would be up at night worrying about it all…Can you believe it? I was just six years old! That is sooo terrible…My friend slept in my room with me and that made it worse. Sometimes I would get up in the middle of the night and quietly open the door so the hallway light shone in the room and I would peer at a ring on her finger. I don’t even remember what it looked like exactly, but I do remember it was sparkly and reminded me of one of my favorite fairytales – Cinderella.

Fast forward nearly 30 years and I still find myself dealing with this insidious habit. I remember when I was in 20s and I was making $10 a paycheck at my first journalism job. All of my friends were going on trips, getting fabulous apartments and starting investment clubs…With my meager earnings, I had to live at home, and the only trip I could afford was the trip to work and back. As far as investments were concerned, I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that I was investing in my future by taking a job in my field and getting experience. But I was still seething on the inside…and sometimes the vitriol spilled out…My father gave me countless pep talks during this time…He assured me that “my time” was coming…And he reminded that I chose a field that often doesn’t yield large earnings- at least at the beginning of your career, and I had to accept that or go into a different field. And he also told me that God had a purpose for my life and as long as I was in His will, I was where I needed to be.

Lately I have found myself hating on other people’s blogs or their careers. Here is what I think sometimes – Why her blog got all those comments? I’m a good writer too. Or why did she get a book deal when her topic is hackneyed at best?  I could write that story with one hand tied behind my back…Yes, it’s gets really ugly in my mind sometimes…A friend wisely told me maybe one of the reasons why my blog doesn’t get as many comments as others is because I am talking about religious topics and religion will never be as popular. That may be true, but one of my favorite blogs, a religious blog, gets scads of comments…how come my blog doesn’t? I swear I’m still six years old….

So by this time, I should be wrapping up now and telling you how I’ve overcome my haterism…I haven’t…but sometimes, I have moments of clarity after I have bitched and moaned about it to anyone that will listen…One particularly spiritual friend frequently states that I shouldn’t compare my insides to someone else’s outsides. What that means is that what someone has doesn’t necessarily equate to happiness. Over the years I have learned that is true. Sometimes I’ve been told to pray for the person that I resent. I’ve found that if I pray for the person to get everything I want in my life, I often find that I don’t feel as bad…And I recently discovered that some people want what I have. That makes me feel really good…I swear, I’m terrible, huh? And sometimes hate can be a good thing actually. Sometimes, it has propelled me to do things I wouldn’t ordinarily do…For instance, I can be smart about my money too…And sometimes the answer is to stop thinking about myself and think of how I can help others…Self obsession is a trap for sure…prayer is a good tool too…

Anyway, I don’t have all of the answers for sure, but I am REALLY interested in what you have to say. PLEASE post comments…or else…or else…I will talk about you to my friends, ha, ha (Y’all pray for me.)

Any thoughts?

P.S. Check out Canton Jones’ “Hater Day.”

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~ by jackieholness on March 15, 2009.

12 Responses to “I’m such a hater aka I sometimes break The Ten Commandments…”

  1. I “inordinately desire” what belongs to the author of this blog: courageous admission of her vulnerabilities mixed with brilliant sharing of her spirit — for all the world to see.

  2. I think we all deal with this issue in the uber-materialistic society in which we live. When we first moved to Atlanta I went through the “I MUST have the big, brick, ATL house with the fancy chandelier gleaming through the palladian window above the two-story foyer, etc., etc., etc.

    Within the last couple of years God has done a major shift in my desires. First, He’s given me such an extreme thankfulness for what I do have — a nice, comfortable house with plenty of room for the two of us (and visiting grandchildren) that we can afford.

    Pray and ask God to give you an “inordinate thankfulness” for what you DO have. It will change the way you see things.

  3. LOL! I love that post! Very open and honest!!

  4. Oh girl I can so relate to your covetousness (that a word?). Love your unabashed honesty. I agree with Chicki that gratitude is the answer. Otherwise it’s like a slap in God’s face that I don’t trust His provision. Ultimately, those of us who walk with God get last dance with Him…so it doesn’t really matter what trinkets we have during this short blip in eternity. 🙂

  5. I do the same thing and I believe we all do at one time or another. I think that coming back to reality and taking stock as you mentioned of what we DO have brings things back into focus. It is a challenge sometimes there are so many got it going on appearing people here in the ATL. But there is a story behind everyone and if I am not willing to do the work to get to where they are OR just accept that it is what it is (be it light skin, born into money etc) then I will constantly look at the yard on the other side of the fence and be dissatisfied. It is best to make sure I tend to my own yard so that it can be just as green.

  6. You have a good blog. It must be good if it’s the only one that I chose to participate in! Sometimes I get busy and just don’t have that much time to answer the blogs. I don’t know what to tell you except that Hating is part of being human, but so is loving. We just have to do more loving than hating. As long as you keep your faith in the Lord, he will direct your path.

    Does that make sense?

  7. @Chicki, Katy & Stephanie,

    You are right…I forgot about thanksgiving as a tool…when I count my blessings, my mood definitely changes!

    @TT, thank for the support girl! I don’t have that much time either so I appreciate you spending time reading my words… 🙂

    @Stephanie again, yeah, I know I’m not willing to put in the amount of work some put in to achieve the things that they achieved…so when this is the case, I know I need to keep my mouth shut…

  8. Definitely open and very honest post. But ladies, don’t hate me for saying it, but could this be a woman thing? Yes, we’re all human and having negative feelings towards our fellow man/woman from time to time is natural. However Jackie, I think it’s deep if you remember your feelings and thoughts toward a little girl and her bling at six. Wow! I can remember a 7 year old boy having a remote control car that I wish I had when I was 6, but I can’t remember my feelings being that deep. All I remember is begging my parents to get me one and being mad because they said no. My anger had nothing to do with him, as he was my friend and I looked for him everyday to play with his car.

    Maybe women hating on each other can be a post within itself. Is this why there is an office dress code, why Prada and Gucci were created, and why hairstyles change so often? To keep women jealeous, envying, and hating on each other? I expect fallout from those lines.

    I can’t remember hating because a guy wore his pants tighter than mine (funny but no hate), had a better haircut, or drove a more flashy car. If anything it made me want to do better, although sometimes in a negative way so-to-speak. Maybe competition is one of the ways men express hate. Considering some idiots will hurt and/or kill to have what another person has.

  9. @DR,

    Yep, it’s deep that I felt that way at six years old and that I remembered – that’s why I wrote about it…

    Yeah, I think women tend to have more jealous feelings but men are definitely more competitive – which is probably a back handed way to express jealously and hate 🙂

    And yes, we women do tend to dress and get our hair done to impress one another…

  10. […] Envy – As I stated in a previous post, I have a tendency to be a hater…but in an effort to evolve and become ever more spiritual, I will feature remarkable blogs in […]

  11. You seem to be worried that the covetous/hateful thoughts cross your mind. I doubt there are any (and there definitely can’t be many) persons who’ve not had such thoughts be a part of their thinking. But always refocus on you and forget focussing on the other person and keep asking yourself how you can maake a way for your own desired achievements – without taking from/trampling on/hurting other persons.
    As a small island citizen (Caribbean)in this large world I’ve learnt chapter and verse about overcoming those thougts and converting them to inspiration and positive challenge.

  12. […] Envy – As I stated in a previous post, I have a tendency to be a hater…but in an effort to evolve and become ever more spiritual, I will feature remarkable blogs in […]

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