Hello World!

In case you haven’t noticed, 2009 will be over in roughly a couple of weeks…And how do you feel about it? To get a feel for how my year has gone, I dusted off (actually opened a file on my computer) my written goals for the year…

One of my goals on the list was to make my blog the best it can be. Hmm…I say I did a not-so- bad job I must say…I’ve written about interesting topics I think….My most popular post this year was “Of Drugs and Light-Skinned Boys…” It got 489 views although only two people commented on that particular post! I was able to spread the word about the House of Grace Free Health Care Clinic, a true example of what Jesus Christ would do…I was able to have a few guest bloggers…My favorite guess post was “Your Turn: A Closeted Virgin Speaks Out…” My blog has even been shouted out on other blogs….Check me out on momstyleicons.blogspot.com…It’s a wonderfully inventive blog with haute photos of our moms at their most fashionable…I’m also listed on the blog roll for enjoyceinglife.blogspot.com! Thanks JD! So what y’all think about my blog? Have you enjoyed reading my posts as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them? Feel free to offer suggestions for posts or ways to make this blog the best it can be…

Another one of my goals, which I’ve actually written about, was to learn more about financial health…I’m proud to say that I have the biggest savings account I’ve ever had in my life, and I am on a mission to pay off a major debt my May 2010! Having money is not a guarantee that one will be happy but being broke ain’t too cool either… Whatever I have, I’m thankful for, which is the key, my financial counselor said, to receiving more blessings…

I could write more about goals, but life is about more than goals…life is about learning and growing…And I’ve definitely learned and grown a lot this year – some of had been hard lessons to learn and some have given me tremendous joy…Here a few a few of the lessons I learned in 2009:

1. Any relationship that causes you to worry all of the time – whether it be a platonic friendship or a romantic relationship just ain’t worth it…

2. No matter what I do, I just cannot control my circumstances…The best I can do is to do my best and leave the results to God period end of story…

3. If a relationship starts affecting my looks, I gotsta go…pleaz…I’ma be cute…

4. Coveting is a sin…

5. Tomorrow is not promised…reach out to friends and loved ones that you haven’t communicated with in a while today…

6. Prayer, laughter and sloppy kisses are good medicine…

7. Ain’t nothin’ like your girls…

And since it is the Christmas season, I must say a few words about the “most wonderful time of the year!” I have found that many people end up feeling sad because they expect that Christmas is supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year.” I’ve found that if I expect to feel a little blah this time year of the year because of the frenzy that goes with “just 12 shopping days until Christmas” and what not and focus on more Christ  (The word mas means more in Spanish.) instead of Christmas and my family and friends, I feel better…

And now, I gonna go against what I just said…I love Christmas songs about romantic relationships even the sad ones..so I’m going to name a few in no particular order…and just for the record, “This Christmas” by Donny Hathaway is my absoute fave relationship Christmas song, but I mentioned him last year…

1. “Merry Christmas Baby” by Charles Brown

2. ”Let It Snow” by Boyz II Men

3. “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt

4. “Last Christmas” by Wham!

5. “Every Year, Every Christmas” by Luther Vandross…one of the best saaangers ever…

Trella, CJ & Orlando

Hello World,

This post is written by Trella Stringer Crawford.  Although we both attended the University of Georgia at the same time, we never met.  Actually, we “met” through a UGA social media Web site similar to Facebook and have become fast friends through our love of writing. 

Please read Trella’s poignant story about her journey into autism and of course, comment .

This is my truth: I am the mother of a child with autism.  Nine simple words; yet, these words encompass many emotions for me – pride, fear, disappointment, worry, confusion, joy, pain, and perseverance.  More importantly, these words remind me that God has chosen me to raise one of his special angels – not a role I might have selected but one I realize is God’s purpose for me.

You’ve probably seen the public service announcements with Toni Braxton or billboards and news stories about autism and wondered what autism is. According to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke fact sheet, autism is a neurological and developmental disorder defined by difficulties with social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication problems, repetitive behaviors and narrow, obsessive interests.  This disorder affects one in 150 children and seems to affect boys four times more than girls. 

My journey into autism began on January 31,^, 2005.  After eight years of marriage, my husband and I were blessed with the arrival of Orlando Augustus Crawford, IV.  It was such a regal sounding name for a little baby, according to the neonatologist. We thought so, too, and decreed that CJ was a more appropriate moniker to distinguish him from all the other Orlandos in the family. Our little boy was perfect and healthy in every way; however, he spent seven days in the neonatal intensive care unit because he had a neonatal seizure. Still, he seemed to flourish and thrive after that, meeting all of his milestones well ahead of schedule.  He walked at ten months old and could use a spoon by the time he was a year old.  

However, I noticed that while my son was thriving in many areas, he still was not talking.  I also noticed that he was not responding when his name was called.  By the time CJ was 15 months, I began to realize that something was not right. I mentioned this to his pediatrician at his checkup, and she felt that he was just a late bloomer with language.  Still, my motherly instincts had kicked in, and I knew that something was going on with my child. We had his hearing checked and everything came back all clear.  Then, I started to notice other things like CJ biting himself or having violent, inconsolable temper tantrums.  He also had a fascination with eating non-food items (called pica).  

As my son was going into the “Terrible Twos,” I rationalized his behavior.  Still, restlessness in my soul persisted. I felt like God was trying to tell me something.  However, as anyone will attest who has ever heard my testimony, I don’t always listen to God’s subtle hints, and He often has to give me the in-your-face treatment.  Every time I drove I kept seeing billboards with AUTISM splashed on them, proclaiming “1 in 166” (it’s now 1 in 150) children. These billboards leapt out at me in brilliant and bold colors.  Every time I turned on the television, there were the autism PSAs.   Finally, I asked out loud, “Lord, what are you trying to tell me?”

I began researching online and found an autism symptom checklist. As I perused the checklist, I felt like I was reading about my own child.   My whole world shifted.  I had only voiced my suspicions to my mother at this point and didn’t have a name for what was wrong with my child.  All I could tell her was that I thought CJ was “special.”  I knew that I needed to approach my husband with my concerns but didn’t know how to tell him that I suspected our only child-the son named after him, his father, and his father’s father- had a disorder that I was only aware of because of the movie, Rain Man.  As expected, my husband did not initially react well to my suspicions.  After he thought about what I said, though, my husband listened to my concerns. 

However, it wasn’t until CJ was 32 months old (17 months since I first noticed differences in my child) that we even mentioned anything about getting CJ screened for autism.  My husband took CJ in for a sinus infection, and I insisted that my husband ask his pediatrician for an autism screening.   She referred us to our state’s Early Intervention program and that’s when things began to happen quickly. 

CJ

On December 4, 2007, a day I will never forget, our son was officially diagnosed with autism.  I was relieved because I finally had a name for what was plaguing my child. I also felt profound grief and loss.  I grieved for the typical child I’d never have. I grieved for the loss of all of the hopes and dreams I had for him.  I grieved for the struggles and challenges that I knew were ahead for our family. 

I would love to say that I turned to my faith in God and His ability to carry me through the storm. Instead, I was angry, hurt, and devastated. I remember ranting at God and asking him, “Why?”  I tried bargaining with God to make my child “normal.”  There were even times when I prayed for forgiveness because I felt like CJ’s condition was punishment for some past sin. 

One night, after an especially rough night with CJ (erratic sleep patterns and bedtime tantrums happen often), I was at my wits end.  I was exhausted, and I felt like I had no way out.  I was frustrated with myself because of my lack of patience in handling my child.  I remember thinking that I needed the patience of Job.  We all know the story of Job – the purest example of faith, obedience, patience, and redemption.  Job’s story is one of my favorite Bible stories; yet, I’ve occasionally and jokingly coined myself the “anti-Job” because of my lack of patience.  That night at 3- something in the morning, with tears in my eyes, I opened my Bible for the first time in over a year. I turned to the book of Job, and there was the epiphany.

Job lost everything but through it all, he continued to trust in God completely and wholly.   That’s what I needed to do — trust in God completely and wholly.  I needed to be patient that He was going to provide my CJ and us with everything we needed.  That night I gained a sense of purpose and shifted my thinking.  Instead of worrying about my child being “normal” to others, I began to focus on making the world “normal” for him. I stopped grieving for what I thought I had lost and began to appreciate the things that I had gained. Keeping this focus is an ongoing process, but when I feel discouraged, I turn to Job.

My child is now four years old and is in his second year of preschool. He has an amazing teacher who has a high success rate working with special needs children and particularly, autistic children.  That very same teacher introduced us to a wonderful woman named Jill who has experience working with autistic children and providing Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy.  CJ has been with Jill since October 2008, and the changes we’ve seen in our child have been exponential.  Upon reflection, I understand that my journey with CJ and this thing called autism has been carefully orchestrated by God to put the right people in our lives at the right place and the right time.   I also realize that God has allowed me to find my voice in advocacy.  I have quietly supported many causes over the years, but I’ve found my voice getting louder and stronger as I support an issue that is not just a cause for me but the reality of my life. 

This is my truth: I am the mother of a child with autism.  Nine simple words; yet, words I have come to accept and words of honor because God chose me as this child’s champion.

 For more information, go to www.autismspeaks.org.

Any thoughts?

Look at my hot mom - stylin' & profilin'!

Hello World!!!

I hope that you are celebrating your mother today as this is Mother’s Day! I know that today is a bittersweet day for my mother and father as both of their mothers are now absent from this world and present with the Lord, but I’m sure that today, if only in their thoughts, they will be with their mothers. I’m a Daddy’s girl, but the heart of my family is my mother…Last year, I wrote some devotionals about mothers and their relationships with their daughters and submitted them to a devotional book. However, my entries were not accepted for publication.   Still, in honor of mothers everywhere, I have decided to post them here. The first one is about my relationship with my mother. Also, I have posted some pics of my mom over the years.

Devotional #1

A Mother’s Mercy

 “I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.

Yet I still dare to hope, when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.”

 Lamentations 3:20-22

 “A prom for eighth graders,” my father sputtered. “That is inappropriate. No. You cannot go!”

A preacher’s daughter, I realized I had more rules than my girlfriends, but I had hoped in this case my father would let me join in with the crowd. True to form, however, he said no to my request and wouldn’t budge. On the Friday before the prom that weekend, I was a broken spigot of quiet tears and didn’t know how I was going to bear hearing about the prom from my girlfriends on Monday.

My mother, also a preacher’s daughter, surprised me when she said, “I have made an appointment for you to get your hair done and cut tomorrow morning.”

She agreed with my father, but she heard and understood my pain.

At school on Monday, I didn’t get to regale my girlfriends with stories about the prom, but they did “ooh and aah” about my sharp, new haircut!

 A mother’s mercy, like God’s mercy, can go a long way in times of distress. 

Devotional #2

Mom had da bomb Jheri curl back in the day...(Mom, me and my brother)

 Our Impossibilities are God’s Specialties 

“Then the Lord said to Abraham, ‘Why did Sarah laugh? Why did she say, Can an old woman like me have a baby? Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return about this time next year, and Sarah will have a son.’”

 Genesis 18:13-14

 Just months before her thirty-second birthday and no husband on the horizon, Michelle reasoned she wouldn’t be like her mother who had her at 32 years old or her sisters who had their first children at 32 years old. After reading a newspaper article about a shelter, she decided to give to children by helping the shelter’s pregnant teenagers get their GED. Although the program was quickly phased out, Michelle volunteered with the shelter’s “Rock the Baby” program for babies born to drug addicted parents. She was transfixed when she met a dark brown baby dressed in pink named Nicole. The baby resembled her sister who died when she was a baby. Her name was Nicole too. She was surprised when an adoptive mother from the shelter said, “When are you taking Nicole home?” Nicole had become attached to her, but she hadn’t considered adopting her, Michelle replied. “Sometimes it’s not what you choose, it’s who chooses you,” the mother declared. Just months before her thirty-third birthday, Michelle adopted Nicole.

 Miracles happen in God’s timing.

Devotional #3

Standing in the Gap

 “And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.”

 Matthew 18:5

 Valerie was an unhappy child. Her mother, who suffered from manic depression, worked as a night barmaid, leaving her with her stepfather. Her stepfather used the time to sexually abuse her. After telling her mother about the abuse, her mother suggested that she move from their Brooklyn, New York home to her Christian aunt’s home in Atlanta, Georgia. Feeling relieved, Valerie, who was 11 years old, immediately moved in her with aunt and her family. From then on, Valerie called her aunt, “Mom.” Still, going from a home with few rules to a home with many rules was challenging. Punctuality and church attendance were not options. After high school graduation, Valerie left her aunt’s home and explored her freedom. Years later, however, Valerie credits her aunt with teaching her punctuality and inspiring her faith in God and prayer. “She filled in the gap for the entire family.” And when her aunt got sick, Valerie’s mother, a Christian by then, cared for her until her death.

 God honors those who stand in the gap for children.

 

That's my mama!

Any thoughts about your mama?