I’m in the Mood for Love…and Marriage…

Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher, the longest married couple in the world...

Smooches,

Today is the day — the day when my affinity for all things that have to do with love, dating and relationships is actually celebrated instead of berated…Yes, I began crushing on boys in the first grade and by the time I was 13 years old, I was known as the boy-crazy chick in my group of friends…but today, my tendency to swoon over and pay attention to the charm of hot guys is actually just fine…

Over the years, I have always kept several guy friends — in part because I like the perspective of guys that is unlike any of my girls and because I like variety…even when I had a boyfriend, I always had several guy friends to bounce things off of and to be there when the boyfriend of the day acted up and was let go (or vice versa…)

But about two years ago, a married friend told me that when I got married or if I aspired to be married, having a bunch of guy friends would not be tolerated…And what she said made sense…She suggested that I should stop hanging with all of my dudes and mainly reserve my friendship for my girls as a way of preparing myself for the arrival of The One…and that made sense too…so I did…I rarely talk to any of my guy friends anymore…And it’s actually okay with me…They are still my dudes, but unless I’m your main chick, you are not getting all of my convo…I’m hoping that on a Valentine’s Day in the future, I will actually be married…

I’m thinking if I want to get married, maybe I should befriend more married women and soak up more of their wisdom…I expect this was the principle in mind behind the Twitter event of the longest married couple on the earth, Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher. Today, the couple will be responding to tweets about marriage. And they should know…They have been married for 85 years…And isn’t it crazy that the Fishers are on Twitter? Guess I need to go ‘head and set up an account…

So on my V-Day post last year, I posted my Top 14 Love songs…This year, I will post my Top 14 movies about dating, marriage, love, etc…and please share yours… And in no particular order…

1. “Titanic” – I saw this movie years after it came out, and I nearly kicked myself that I had not seen this movie before. Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet convinced me that their love would go on…although the Titanic ship didn’t…

2. “Love Story” – Since this movie came out three years before I was born, I obviously didn’t see this movie on opening night either…But I did catch it late one night when I couldn’t sleep…Love means never having to say you’re sorry…Swoon, swoon, swoon

3.  “Purple Rain” – Believe it or not, I saw this movie for the first time in December…I Would Die 4 U – Love it…Love Prince and his bike in that movie…

4. “When Harry Met Sally” – Classic. It is THE movie for friends turned lovers…

5. “Love Jones” – This movie totally brings me back to the mid ’90s…Larenz Tate hadn’t looked this good since!

6. “Jason’s Lyric”  – I met Allen Payne Memorial Day Weekend in Miami years ago…Dang, he is fine!

7. “Grease” – The soundtrack is so fun…”You’re the one that I want…”

8. “The Notebook” – Would you marry for love or money…I say both! But I would prefer love if I had to choose…

9.  “Something’s Gotta Give”  – This movie has the most realistic crying over a man scenes of any movie I’ve ever seen….have you ever woken up in the morning and then a moment later, you remember that y’all broke up…and your heart drops and the tears fall…what a horrible way to start the day…but that’s real…

10. “Beauty and the Beast” – Hey, cartoon movies should get love too…I saw this movie on a first date in high school…at the time, this guy made my toes curl and it didn’t help that we saw this sweet movie on our first date…

11. “The Bridges of Madison County” – I don’t know much about being a bored housewife in the Midwest, but this one right here made me almost wish I did…Meryl Streep is the Greatest!

12. “The Wood” – Loved the soundtrack…”You’re my latest, tell you you’re my greatest, my latest, my greatest inspiration…” Miss you Teddy P!

13.  “Love and Basketball” – I really don’t care what movie Omar Epps is in…I’ma watch it…

14. “Walk the Line” – almost made me wish I was dating a country music star…

Any thoughts?

To honor Black History Month, I will offer a memorable quote from someone in black history on each post I write this month…

“Each time you love, love as deeply as if it were forever…”  Audre Lorde

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~ by jackieholness on February 14, 2010.

9 Responses to “I’m in the Mood for Love…and Marriage…”

  1. Happy V-Day World! Great post … I’ll number my reactions in the interest of (seriously attempting to) keep this brief.

    1. I remember being the “friend” but never the “girl.” The unfortunate thing about some of these friendships I had with my male counterparts is that they gained the benefit of having the homegirl to listen to all the problems and complaints – often about the women they were dating and eventually happily married – while never having the commitment of escalating that friend (me) to the status of girlfriend. It’s an interesting balance, but I learned to say no – no talks about the wife/girlfriend. No to endless complaining. No more having your cake and eating it too. This left me with a small circle of male friends that I discuss politics, religion, work, music etc with. On occasion, we discuss our relationships – but in healthy balance with all other topics.

    2. I was one of the last in my girlfriend circle to become “coupled.” I remember watching my friends – one by one – join the ranks of dating and married women. I often thought “OMG so and so is not the same! Another one bites the dust … women always turn their backs on their friends when they get a new boo.” Then I started dating and found myself “changing.” I wanted to be at home more … I wanted to do more things with other (peaceful and happy) couples. I wanted more privacy in my relationship vs. the usual play-by-play updates with all my girlfriends. I saw myself doing what I thought I’d never do when in a relationship – changing.

    3. On that same note – as I watched my friends become coupled and get married, I thought they formed a secret “girlfriends/wives/boyfriend/husbands club.” I hated that as well! They hung out with each other more doing couples activities and talked about their relationships with me less. Then it happened to me and I realized that in order to preserve the sanctity and quality of any relationship – that relationship has to remain between those two people – and God. Those involved must surround themselves with people who can counsel them positively, not based on what they want or think but what they know. So, likewise I took less and less of what I will describe as typical single woman advice (i.e. leave him alone; Girl, I wouldn’t put up with that blah blah blah) and began to surround myself with couples that can counsel me and my significant other on the realities of the ups and DOWNS of relationships. I believe in every regard that birds of a feather DO flock together – that we must surround ourselves with people that reflect where we’ve been, who we are AND who we long to become.

    What I am trying to say is kudos on breaking lose some of the male friendships … and kudos on making changes to create a circle that reflects the life you want to have. Looking forward to an update on your marriage on V-Day 2011! :-)

  2. @Bloggess, your passion about this subject is clear…and I agree with you on all points…as far as the marriage update for V-Day 2011, well it’s in God’s most capable hands at this point…but I am certainly doing all I can at this end :)

    Also, concrete loop, one of my fave gossip blogs, has a post about the Fishers as well and actually posted their advice via Twitter. Check out this link http://concreteloop.com/2010/02/round-the-way-longest-married-couple-85-years-give-relationship-advice#more-383421

    • Because of your recommendation, I read several stories about them, ALL the tweets :-) and forwarded the links to everyone I felt would appreciate it. The story really touched my heart. I am concerned about a lot, but I guess most passionate about the healing power of love and relationships.

      • I have read a lot about the Fishers as well..it’s amazing…and there are many lessons to be learned!

  3. Happy Valentine’s Day. I am fortunate to be married to the man of my dreams. I wrote a letter to God and told him what I wanted in a man. I swear, five days later, I met David. We’re stupid in love. I’ve settled in the past. I’m grateful that God did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. Mr. Dave’s my sweetie pie.

    We’ll never see an 85th anniversary – we married when I was 50 and he was 54. Being 50 in body and 18 in spirit is a wonderful way to date.

  4. Okay, so I’ve only been married 12 years this May ~ about 15 minutes in Herbert and Zelmyra’s world. And I have to say the first 8 years or so were cake. These past 4 years have been a LOT more challenging.

    And so, my husband and I spent this weekend at a marriage retreat hosted by our awesome church. It was the shot in the arm (shot in the heart?) our union needed.

    I had been getting in the habit responding to Chris based on his “performance,” and at the retreat I was reminded to “submit to one another out of reference to Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).

    I had also been regularly thinking unlovely thoughts about my husband because he wasn’t living up to MY expectations. One woman speaker talked about how our actions toward our husband are driven directly out of our thoughts about him; in other words, my mere thoughts can either enhance or destroy my marriage. And so I need to be in the Word, take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.

    Or as Philippians 4:8 puts it: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Whatever is true, noble, etc., ABOUT MY HUSBAND, I should dwell on.

    I learned that when we invest in our marriages, it affects GENERATIONS.

    And that the condition of our marriage is directly related to both our walks with God.

    There was so much more, including each husband serving his wife communion as an act of headship …..”toasting” our marriages (with sparkling apple cider!) …. and racing in a hotel-wide scavenger hunt while holding hands, along with 175 other couples.

    No, we didn’t win the scavenger hunt…didn’t even come close. But, maybe by doing a retreat like this every couple years or so, God willing we will be chasing hard and fast after the Fishers.

    • Wow, Katy…thanks for telling the truth…undeniably, our thoughts affect everything…and the thought of submitting to one another is better than the thought of submitting to a husband…lol…and it sounds like y’all had so much fun even if y’all didn’t win the scavenger hunt…175 couples!!!

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