The Rise of the Alpha Female…and the men they choose to marry…

Who Dat?

And that’s pretty much all I’ma say about the Super Bowl…I was gonna write something that had to do with the Super Bowl, but I’ma keep it real…I don’t get into football like that…although I know the Saints will be marching in by the end of the day…How can they lose with a name like that?

So after I saw the third article on this topic, I knew I had to discuss it here on this blog…In one article I read, former Us Weekly Editor-In-Chief Janice Min made more in one paycheck than her husband made in a whole year!!!(Apparently, she made roughly $2 million a year…I would say that is PHENOMENAL for a journalist. READ: Can I get somma dat some day?) According to an article in The New York Times, more men are likely to marry women who earn more money than they do than ever before according to Pew Research Center data….NPR,  in another article,  “Modern Marriages: The Rise of The Sugar Mama,” explored the same topic using the same data. In this article, one husband is married to a woman who works at the same company as he does — except she is two management levels above him. And THREE of his wife’s brothers are in a similar situation…Below is an interesting excerpt from the same article…

“I think this is really an example of an outdated idea,” says Stephanie Coontz, author of Marriage: A History. Coontz says that in a 1967 poll, two-thirds of women said they’d consider marrying a man they did not love if he had good earnings potential.

“Now, women have a completely different point of view,” Coontz says. “They say overwhelmingly — 87 percent — that it’s more important to have a man who can communicate well, who can be intimate and who will share the housework than to have someone who makes more money than you do.”

So how do y’all feel about that? Could you marry a man who makes less than you do? A friend and I were discussing relationships yesterday as we often do. We talked about how some of us who are still in the game (the dating game) still tout money as one of the main qualities that a eligible man must have. She said the term “love” rarely comes up as a quality – meaning that women rarely talk about a man loving them as an important quality. She cited a Bible verse…

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:25-33

In sum, husbands are commanded to love their wives, and women are commanded to respect their husbands…So I wonder if women need to look at love as the most important quality to look for in a man…But then again, some women may not be able to respect a man if his earning potential is less than hers…

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.  I Timothy 5:18

Now to be fair, providing for your household does not mean that you have to make more in my opinion. It does means that you have to provide your share…But some women may interpret that verse as meaning that a man must make more money than they do…What do you think? What do I think…

Well, when I was in j-school (journalism school), I found out pretty quickly that journalism was not one of the careers you chose if you are simply trying to get paid…People typically become journalists become they love the written word and have an insatiable curiousity. (READ: Me in a nutshell.) And now that our country is in its current economic state, journalism, as y’all probably know,  has become even less lucrative across the board…With that in mind, would it make sense for me to marry a man that makes less than I do…I’m honestly not sure…but judging from what I’ve seen in the news, some of the world’s richest, most powerful men make the worst husbands…And then again, just because a man is not rich and powerful doesn’t mean that he’s a keeper either…

Any thoughts?

To honor Black History Month, I will offer a memorable quote from someone in black history on each post I write this month…

“No person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you were intended.”  Alice Walker….(Did y’all know that Alice Walker has a blog?)

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~ by jackieholness on February 7, 2010.

5 Responses to “The Rise of the Alpha Female…and the men they choose to marry…”

  1. I think in the grand scheme of things we have to think about what matters most and what things we are willing to either negotiate on or do without altogether. I am constantly reminded of one of the conversations from “Why Did I Get Married” when they discuss the 80/20 rule (that our mates will only provide 80% of what we really want/need and that its left up to us to decide to trade it all in for the 20% or keep the 80). Yes, we can have a man who makes “more” money, but what does that come with? Will he be at home at 5:30? Able to pick-up or drop off the kids at school? Able to honor date night once a week? To some this may sound like settling, but I think many of us know that we have never had nor will we ever be able to have every single thing that we want – key point – ALL AT THE SAME TIME.
    Jaqueline and others, would you “entertain” someone who is God-fearing, honest, funny, loving … (fill in the blank with all the traits you look for) if he made less money?

  2. Heck yeah! I do not expect a man to support me financially. What matters to me is that we are a team and actually enjoy being around each other. Some people can contribute time and some people can contribute money. I will take time over money, any day.

    A lot of times if you are married to a big earner they are working 18-hour days and you are basically expected to be their unpaid servant — pack their suitcases for business trips, throw company parties, etc, etc. It’s nice work for somebody, I guess, but it didn’t suit me!

  3. Yes ladies…I’m in the camp of women that prefers a man spend more time with me than be focused on making and spending money…now, I had to date a lot to find that out, but thank God I think I’m finally getting it :)

  4. Ditto on the comment from Jackie about dating to find out … I too thought I wanted the “ultra successful man” but learned very quickly what came with that. So once again, we can choose. My significant other and I have recongized that we could both be doing more/making more, but that would drastically change the dynamics of our relationship. So we’ve chosen to “do well” and make the most out of what we have been blessed with. I am very happy with the balance.

  5. [...] the original:  The Rise of the Alpha Female…and the men they choose to marry … :alpha, alpha-female, altar, article, dating, michelle-obama, search, tavis-smiley No [...]

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